Thursday, July 29, 2004

100 Things

100 (mostly sexual) Things About Me
1. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18.
2. I lost it to a one night stand.
3. My second lover was also a one night stand.
4. My first and second lovers had the same name.
5. I met them in the same exact place.
6. They were both 29.
6. Neither used protection.
7. My third lover was my husband.
8. I rarely count oral sex as "sex" since it hasn’t been "traditionally" called sex, although of course it IS.
9. Otherwise, I lost my virginity at 18 by giving oral sex. A lot. For about 9 months. Daily.
10. When that boyfriend broke up with me he called me a bitch.
11. He only tried oral sex on me once for a few minutes but it didn’t do much for me so we never tried it again.
12. The one time we tried to have intercourse we put the condom on him and he immediately went limp, he told me he wasn’t ready.
13. Ever man I’ve ever slept with I’ve slept with within 12 hours of meeting.
14. I’ve slept with 9 or 10 guys.
15. Of those, only a few have been worth it.
16. I had my first gyno appointment when I was 23.
17. I met my husband online.
18. He was married, unseparated.
19. His wife met her future husband online a week before I met my future husband.
20. All the things she hated about him are things I love about him.
21. He told me they didn’t have sex on their wedding night and that should have been a hint as to what the marriage would be.
22. We did not have sex on or wedding night, it was at least 24 hours after the wedding.
23. His first wife was raped.
24. I was molested, and have been physically sexually harassed.
25. Among other things I had oral sex performed on me when I was about 5.
26. Receiving oral sex has never been that pleasant, and I’ve been known to fall asleep.
27. Watching men or women perform oral sex on women in movies is the quickest way to get me off.
28. I like gay porn when the guys are super hot and straight-acting.
29. I like watching men rim other men.
30. Except on rare occasions anal sex has always been fairly traumatic.
31. My favorite part of any porn, but especially anal is watching the insertion, although it’s my least favorite part of experiencing anal.
32. I’ve chosen my dildos to coincide with my husband’s size.
33. One of my earlier lovers (post marriage) saw it and compared it to his own and made fun of it, until I told him how I choose my dildos.
34. He was clearly proud.
35. I loved sucking his cock.
36. He’s the only person I’ve let film me doing anything, namely performing oral sex on him.
37. I wonder if he still has the tape.
38. He was D/s curious and so was I. We never really got to explore it.
39. Back when husband and I were dating we considered having "slave day" wherein one of us would play the other’s D/s slave for the entire day (or until boredom set in).
40. I’ve never been able to bring myself to try it. I’m afraid of what he’d ask me to do.
41. I don’t really want to be the master. But, I think it would be good for me.
42. After spending time with the lover who was interested in D/s I got in the habit of saying "master" a lot. When husband came home from Korea I kept calling him that during sex. He wasn’t interested.
43. I’m spanking curious, too.
44. Husband has spanked me on occasion but doesn’t really care for it and his disinterest is palpable.
45. I love sex stories.
46. I used to write them to release my sexual energy.
47. I still find the way I wrote sex scenes back in the day to be the sexiest stories ever, and love it when I occasionally run across someone who writes like I used to.
48. Throughout my teenage years I used to masturbate to the playboy channel through the squigglies, just like all the teenage boys.
49. My best friend from high school told me she was a lesbian and I was somewhat hurt that she didn’t have a crush on me.
50. I was also pleased not to have that between us, since we were such good friends.
51. We both independently discovered the idea of polyamory, and practice it in different ways.
52. She’s essentially unaware of my open marriage.
53. Most people have no clue.
54. I mentioned it once to my sister, too, but I don’t think she’s really aware of it, either.
55. I’ve never personally asked a guy for sex, except one guy I passed a note to. I never saw him again, even for sex.
56. I’ve met all my lovers online except my very first one.
57. I have ads on several personal sites and have slept with people from only one of them so far.
58. About 90% of the responses I receive are from men who are over 50 or who smoke, neither of which hold much interest for me.
58. The oldest guy I’ve slept with was probably twice my age when I was about 23.
59. He was hot, but not particularly good in bed.
60. I once spent $100 to fly a guy to my home for sex, then paid for his entertainment and board.
61. I’ve refused to pay for sex ever since.
62. I desperately wish I were more orgasmic.
63. I feel angry and cheated when a lover cums without me without consideration to whether I’m done trying or not.
64. No one else has ever given me an orgasm.
65. I only cum through direct clitoral contact and can cum using a vibe or my hand. Nothing else, so far.
66. One of my favorite fantasies involves having one guy fucking me while another tongues my clit. I don’t envision this happening IRL. I also don’t think it would actually get me off.
67. My nipples have always been my least sensitive spot and I’ve never enjoyed having them played with. Until one of my recent lovers spent hours playing with them. Now I enjoy having them touched. I suspect if he were still around to pay them attention they’d become even more sensitive.
68. I’ve always enjoyed the feeling of something scratchy and sandpapery against my nipples.
69. My ears are SUPER sensitive and having them tongued, touched, or sometimes even breathed upon can become too much.
70. I had one lover who discovered this and loved to make me squirm and then shriek from his attention to my ears.
71. I read romance novels, mostly for the sex.
72. I keep my sex toys next to the computer.
73. I had a light above the computer screen but finally got rid of it when I found switching the cord to it and my vibrator was too annoying all the time.
74. I’ve had a decent amount of phone sex and have been known to call and talk to one guy, get off with him, then immediately call another guy to cum with him, too.
75. I love listening to a man breath and moan as his strokes his own cock while on the phone. Being unable to see or feel it, I become focused on the sounds and they become more intense to my ears.
76. There’s a chatroom on yahoo for the sole purpose of listening to guys jack off. I’ve enjoyed that room.
77. I used to cum silently from so many years of masturbating in private when my parents were home.
78. I used to be silent during sex, too.
79. I learned to be more vocal when having phone sex and now I find it hard to shut up, although I’m definitely no screamer.
80. When I was a teenager I used to practice my oral sex technique on pickles.
81. Now I prefer to practice on real life men.
82. I used to be confident in my oral sex abilities, until I discovered how hard it is to get my husband off that way and the fact that he doesn’t like the stuff most guys get off from.
83. When I really have to pee is one of the times I tend to get most turned on, probably something to do with my g-spot.
84. I’ve female-ejaculated twice in my life, once immediately after cumming and once after a particularly vigorous masturbation session with my g-spotter and a night of sleeping. It was NOT pee. I seem to release it only after my body has completely relaxed from cumming.
85. I’ve considered hooking but just don’t think I could get into it. Sometimes I still think I should get paid, especially when I feel more like I’m rendering services than getting serviced.
86. Some of the worst sex of my life has been with the best looking guys.
87. I’ve only slept with one black man and he had a huge cock, it was a one night stand and definitely not worth it.
88. I’ve never slept with an asian man but am attracted to them.
89. I shave my pussy religiously (except lately as I want to try waxing).
90. I don’t like my lovers to shave themselves, just trim. Shaved men looks weird to me and I hate rubbing stubble with my tongue.
91. The tip of my clit is too sensitive to touch.
92.The more I have sex with other men, the more interested in me sexually my husband becomes, although he swears it’s only because I act sexier.
93. I like to buy and wear sexy underwear, but my husband has never been terribly interested in it.
94. My husband has been known to fuck me (without cumming) then send me off to a lover. I’ve never let said lover perform oral sex on me.
95. I’ve only had sex in a car once and it was just a few months ago. I didn’t cum, but I enjoyed it.
96. When I masturbate alone I say all sorts of dirty things to my imaginary lover. I never speak so much in person.
97. I’m a terribly shy person, especially when it comes to sex. I find sexually shy people annoying.
98. There have been a few times after I’ve cum that I’ve become angry and wanted to beat the hell out of my husband, usually when I need to fuck hard and he won’t give it to me so it makes it hard for me to cum and when I do it’s extremely anticlimactic.
99. I haven’t sucked my husband’s cock in far too long. I’m thinking about forcing myself on him for just that purpose. Without worrying if he cums or not!
100. The later I stay up at night, the hornier I get.

An example of why my sex life sucks....

My husband was laying on the couch.  I went over to him straddling his hips as best I could with his somewhat angled position.  "Wanna have sex?"  I asked him, moving my hips over his.  "Eh.  I'm not horny."  I moved down some, grinding my crotch (still clad in pants) on his leg, then his knee, finding just the right spot to put pressure on my clit.  I humped him like a horny dog, while he watched TV, holding his book.  He ignored me.  I leaned down and licked his ear.  He drew away.  I tried again and he drew away further.  The pressure on my clit was nice, as I continued to rub my crotch on his knee.  I tried to kiss his neck and he put his finger in the back of my knee, provoking a very unpleasant tickle response.  I stopped trying to kiss him.  I continued to rub against him, moaning a little.  Finally, I stopped.

"You know, it's only six o'clock," I told him.

He looked at me, confused.  "What?"

"Well, you always complain that I wait until you're too tired and it's too late before I want to have sex.  And it's nowhere near nine!"

He conceded the point.  "Alright, I'll try, I guess," pulling out his limp cock.  I frowned.

He kissed me a little then drew back, "how's my breath?"

I shrugged.  "No better than my own, I'm sure."

"I have to pee," he told me.  I let him up, but he stood nearby still watching the TV.    I reached out and grasped his cock in my hand, stroking it to semi-hardness.  "That should make it difficult, " I smiled.

He went upstairs and returned several minutes later, as I now sat in front of the computer.  "My breath is better now," he said.

"Mine's not."

We kissed some, enjoying each other's mouths for a moment, not particular passionate, but pleasant.  Then someone on TV said something about the "anals of history."  The kiss broke from laughter.  "He DID say anals, right?"

Finally I asked him "Okay, when can we have sex?" 

He shrugged, "we'll make a date."

Of course we didn't.


Now with anonymous posting.

Sorry about that to anyone who's ever considered posting and then decided not to thanks to the non-anonymous feature.

So, break out your mean stick and get ready to beat me with it....


I spent a few hours with one of my recent ex-lovers.  He and I have worked fairly hard to remain friends.  We keep in touch at least once a month and get together a little less often than that just to hang out.

When we ended our sexual relationship it was super hard on me.  It was the most incredible sex I'd been a part of and it was horrible knowing it was going to end.  He ended it rather cruelly, leaving me for another woman even after promising me he wouldn't be doing that anytime soon.  I forgave him it once when the relationship ended with two weeks.  The second time, I told him we would NEVER have sex again.  Something which hasn't become much of an issue.

Then yesterday we were talking and what we were talking about made me very emotional.  He sat next to me and I tried not to cry on his shoulder.  By the end of the conversation his hand was on my leg and I was doing my best to ignore the familiar feelings of want and arousal at his touch, though his fingers never moved.  It was comforting to have his hands on me again, if only for a moment, non-sexually.

I still want him.  So much. 

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Thirsty Wood

I have a new piece of furniture.  And armoire.  I've been working on restoring it.  Trying the easiest things before going on the harder (namely taking off the old finish and putting on a new one).  I cleaned it.  I tested some wax.  I tried lemon oil.

As I was oiling the wood down, I saw the oil practically disappear into the wood as I used a small cloth to wipe it around.  Again and again I'd coat the wood in oil only to have it be sucked into the wood.  I became less careful about the thin coats of oil I was applying, until my applicator was soaked yellow, dripping oil down my arm.

And suddenly I was transported back to the words of a romance novel I read as a young teenager, which at the time I found silly.  The couple in the novel were restoring a very old house with it's antique furniture.  The applied oil to the wood, much as I was doing, becoming less cautious as they went along, until finally they began rubbing it all over their bodies, enjoying the slickness.  The ended up having hot, slippery sex there on the floor, oil everywhere.

I smiled at the vision, watching rivulets of oil trickle down my arm invitingly.  Maybe oil is a lot sexier than I give it credit for.

Just not lemon oil, I think.

Monday, July 26, 2004

Not trying to blow my load all in one night.  But.  I've been meaning to mention.  About boxer shorts and masturbation.  I should write about that soon.
I took Husband's hand tonight and put it on my panties.  I pressed the pads of his fingers against my clit through the material, his fingers relaxed completely as I touched myself using his fingers.  He distracted me, talking.  I put his fingers directly against my clit, letting them rest there unmoving as we talked.  He was distracted.  His fingers twitched idly, completely unintentionally.  I distracted him more, asking him to sing for me.  Louder.  His fingers twitched.  I laughed, knowing he was blissfully unaware.

I let him in on my secret.  His fingers stopped twitching.  I let him to go sleep.

I need hands on me.

As if on cue, suddenly my sexual prospects are blooming again.  Old boyfriends become new again... new boyfriends suddenly appear out of the air.  Who knows the possibilities?

No sooner did I idly consider the BJ guy imagining that he was back in town than the tells me he'll be in town for 4 weeks.  And did I know any girls who want to be in a threesome?  *sigh*  No.  Did I want to be in a threesome?  *sigh*  No, not with him, but thanks....  I told him he was having an odd obsession with threesomes (which I knew in the first place) and that since I wasn't into that he might as well find someone else to play that game with.  So maybe I'll never see him again.

It's not that I don't understand the obsession, but it doesn't thrill me personally.  I commend him on being as single minded as he is. Having been married for god knows how long and finally having the freedom (via divorce) to explore his fantasies has surely given him the drive to make them reality.  However.  Being so single minded in a goal drives away other possibilities.  Sure, the narrow focus will likely bring about the fantasy with greater speed than would otherwise occur... but meanwhile he's missing out on other great sexual encounters he could be enjoying in the meantime.  Just because he and I might be fucking doesn't preclude him from searching for his threesome with someone else.  But it's like "no, I won't fuck someone unless there's the possibility of a threesome."  And that's just not happening with me.  So bleh.

Of course, he didn't say all that.  It's just the irritating feeling I get from him.

I'm easily irritated sometimes.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Well, considering how long it's been since I last posted.  And the rather rude tone of the last post (which was more... Teasing than rudeness, I swear!) I figured I ought to write a bit about what's going on.  Which is to say absolutely nothing.

What was supposed to be a fun sexy vacation to the beach became a fun, not-sexy vacation to the beach.  The most exciting part was when we were playing in the waves and the top of my tankini managed to bare my breasts to the world.  I didn't even bother to look around to see if anyone noticed.  It was funny, more than anything.  And VERY quickly remedied.  However, it wasn't erotic to me by any means.

By the time we got to the hotel room I was tired from 3 hours of driving and traumatized by my first speeding ticket.  Husband was entirely interested in having sex.  I couldn't get over how tired and upset I was so I told him to save it for later that night when I'd had time to be sufficiently distracted.  So he masturbated... and that was the end of that.   Of course, I ended up turning him down again from tiredness later in the evening when I was teasing him a bit and he started to take it seriously.  I felt bad but... well... I really felt BAD.  The next day was hurried without much time in the hotel, so no sex then either.  And no sex since.

It would appear that for the time being my erotic possibilities have shrunk dramatically.  It's not that big of a deal for now as my sexual leanings are gradually working their way into hibernation.  Not completely, but quite a bit.  It's really sad, actually.  I miss the complete relaxation and release of a good orgasm with an exciting new guy.  But for now I'll content myself with what I have (or in this case don't have).

Now, if the BJ guy from the hotel room would come back into town....

Oh, and I'm all excited to have finally gotten my first comment.  :-)  Thanks.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Upon the first viewing of a potential lover's penis saying something like "not very big, is it?" would be a turn off, right?
My birthday is coming up shortly. It happens to fall on my two days off, so husband and I decided we'd go spend the night on the ocean and then come back home the next evening. As I was trying to pick a hotel he asked "... they have adult movies, right?" Ah, that's my husband.

Back when he was heading for Korea I flew with him to my home town where we stayed for a week with friends. The last night was to be spent in a hotel, having lots and lots of hot monkey sex. With porn. Unfortunately, the hotel we'd planned to stay at was booked up so we ended up nixing that, had SOME not-very-monkey sex and no porn. Kind of a bust for the last time I'd see him in 6 months.

The point is, there's something very sexy about staying in a hotel and watching over-priced porn on a little TV screen.

I hope they do have porn, because I can't wait!

Monday, July 12, 2004

Did I say five times? Make that six.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

I don't write here as often as I'd hoped. I guess that says something about my sex life, doesn't it?

Frankly, of late my sex life has been rather disappointing. Of the last maybe 5 times I've had sex I've cum once. Foreplay? A thing of the past. Now granted, I haven't been asking for it. But then when I'm begging for sex and being refused on a regular basis I feel lucky to get it when and how I can. Except it doesn't make me feel all that lucky. I get more satisfaction from masturbation.

I *really* need to find someone to help me out with this. I need someone else to touch me in the ways I so desperately need.

But, I'm not looking forward to looking for someone new to sleep with. It's not the chase that excites me, never was. I put up with it. But I'm becoming increasingly unhappy having to do the chasing. I'm getting to the point where I'm about ready to accept that for now, I'm done with my sexual adventures and I'll have to resign myself to my married sex life.

Except that waiter at the dinner theater. It's been a long time since I've been so immediately attracted to any man. He was fine. He makes me want to stay out there....

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Why I'm Not Getting Laid

It would appear I'm a lot shyer than I like to admit. Okay, actually I readily admit it.

We went to the local super-cool dinner theater. Our server was hot. Somewhere in his 30's I'd guess, lovely dark hair and light eyes. Masculine. Wearing a shirt that showed his dark chest hair. I found my eyes caught on it more than once. Toward the end of the evening I was gazing longingly at him as he talked to the man sitting just beyond us. He looked up at me and I had to force my gaze away. I didn't really look at him the rest of the night.

Of course, there I was with my husband. And a co-worker. And her husband. Not much chance of anything. But it was nice to look at him. I should have kept looking at him. Just a moment or two longer. But I'm sure he guessed that I was interested. How could I not be? He was fine.

Had I been alone... I never would have even had the courage to gaze at him, though.

God damn, I gotta get over that.

Thursday, July 01, 2004


Yesterday husband and I had sex again. He was going to go take a nap but told me (as he usually does) that I could join him. Which is usually his subtle way of saying he wants to sleep and would prefer the house to be quiet, me included, even if that means I nap with him. We were supposed to go see a movie last night so I wasn't terribly pleased that he'd blow me off to take a nap so I went up to bother him and see if he was really blowing me off or what. And he suggested we have sex and see the movie later.

Oh, yes.

Of course, no foreplay. I got him hard via a teasing hand job but neither of us made a move to mount the other. I rolled onto my stomach and began moving my hips against the bed, partially aroused and partially to GET aroused. Sometimes the phantom fucking gets me hot. By this point I wanted it, although it would have been easy enough to get up and walk away. Finally, I knelt up on all fours (or favorite position) and husband moved behind me. He fucked me good for a while. Even though I wasn't totally aroused I was surprisingly sensitive inside and he was giving it to me just the way I like it, long, fast, hard strokes over and over.

I got no where near cumming but it felt so good to have him fuck me. Eventually I had to ask him to stop because I found my legs were becoming too weak and pained to support me. One of the "benefits" of getting back into exercise. He moved off me and lay on his back. I moved onto my back and started masturbating and he asked me "are you going to masturbate?" I nodded and continued to touch myself. Finally he invited me to move to the edge of the bed and he slid inside. Not the best position for optimal sensation but it was nice having him fuck me. But it ended up being more of a distraction. So we returned to our sides of the bed and began masturbating, watching one another.

Being a porn addicted I pulled out a book and found a phrase that got me hot. I repeated it over and over in my head until I finally came, moaning. Finished, I rolled over to watch husband who was still masturbating. I cupped and rubbed his balls with my hand as he continued sliding his fingers up and down his shaft.

Finally unable to hold back, he shot his load on his stomach and lay breathing heavily. I got him some papertowels and he thanked me for my help. "You always make it better."

After the sex, on the way to the movie we got to talking. I told him I'd put up an ad somewhere in curiosity as to what kind of responses I'd get, maybe taking someone up on the offer. He seemed somewhat displeased commenting, "I'm doing better! What's it been? A whole DAY?" I smiled at that, "last night I was feeling *very* lonely, though." Which was entirely true. He refused me for sex the night before and I'd ended up masturbating on cam with another man.

Finally I told him, "It's not JUST the frequency. I mean, sure we had sex all of about twice last year and I'm desperately afraid we're going to go back to that if I stop sleeping around. But also, I LIKE getting to sleep around. I like getting to try new things and new people." He was quiet a moment then said "well, yeah...." "Besides, I think you should sleep around, too. Not that i feel guilty, but I think you'd like it." "'s just.... Look, don't do anything with them that you don't do with me, okay?" I agreed, readily. I'll happily try new things with other men, but he doesn't want to be left out of that. Which is fine by me.

But this conversation makes it clear. I really need to be careful or he may end up trying to revoke my privileges and that would NOT be fun.