Wednesday, September 27, 2017

An unreal dream

Being with DB is very much an unreal dream. Our coming together is something altogether overwhelming to me at times. He has flaws. I'm sure soon I'll figure it the fatal one that will ruin the fairy tale fantasy that is in my head.

I don't want to marry him or move in with him. I just want him to be my main guy for sex. And I don't want any beautiful, willing submissive women stepping into my place. Though I know, at some point, I will be usurped. I'm okay with that. Except when I'm not.

DB and I have a nice chemistry that really works. I maintain that my desire for him is at least twice his desire for me... But I've never dared say it. I can only imagine his irritation at my uniquely inflated ego.

Almost every time I see him, I bring a new toy. Tonight I brought an older toy we've never used and a newer flogger. We used both.

While DB flogged me, I cried. Not in sadness, for sure. Just a reaction to the main and uncertainty. I think he's noticed how much I like to be aware of what he's doing, but he delights in surprising me. Switching floggers or changing to a paddle, without warning. Tonight he warned me not to peek. That delightful fear and anticipation was enough to make me cry.

Afterward, he let me come over and over again as he always does. The beauty of the feelings, the never ending orgasms, feeling him close, it was all enough to bring tears back to my eyes as I came for him.

I crave him. I want him.

And I know it's new relationship energy and sub frenzy and every other thing that comes with a new lover and intense experiences... But I love him, too.

Monday, September 18, 2017

There are times when I've been away from a lover for a week or more and been hungry for them. I fantasize about the sexual explosion that I know we've earned from the long absence. And then we get back together and I think "that's it? That's what I get?"

I've had a lot of disappointing encounters, even with men I have strong appreciation for. One thing I can say for DB is that there was none of that "that's it?"

DB went out of town for just over a week and came back. I ached to feel his body against mine, his cock inside me. I looked forward to the feel of his tongue against my own and the way his fingers would tug and pull on my nipples, sending thrilling shocks of delight through my body.

Somehow, I was sure that when we got back together it would be nothing short of explosive. And I was right, this time.

The one thing DB and I have is chemistry. My lust for him is matched only by his list for me. My desire to feel the kiss of leather on my skin equaled by his desire to make me moan and gasp from the flogger he weilds.

I think I've bought all the floggers he's used on me. The suede one I ordered that took several weeks to arrive appears to be our favorite. Purple suede falls with a kind round tip. He can make it hurt, but only with a lot of effort and desire on his part. Mostly it's a sexy, teasing kind of massage.

He likes to make me hurt. But only so far as I enjoy it. It's one of the things I love about him. I never get the feeling he enjoys hurting me out of anger or hatred towards women in general or me, specifically. He likes to hurt me as much as I want the sensation. And then he likes to make me come over and over.

So when he came back into town and we got back together I threw myself into his arms. And there was no looking back.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

J is finally coming into his own.

Jared was the second person I had sex with other than my husband, in the last ten or so years. Once Dan let me down I still wanted Jared but I wasn't sure what he'd give me.

I started seeing B and ultimately confessed my disappointment in the way things with Jared we're going. I told B of the things I'd foolishly done. B told me I needed to go back to Jared with my tail between my legs and make sure he knew that I knew it's made a terrible mistake in what I had done.

My sad, heartfelt apology for my foolishness seemed to work, because he agreed to see me again. Since then, Jared has been a wonderful, steady, calming influence in my life. I'm grateful everytime I have the pleasure of his company. And I know I'm surely too effusive about it for his comfort. But he is a good man and I want him to know I recognize it.

Now, eight months later despite long pauses in our relationship, we are finally coming into our own. We're getting a feel one another as more than just passing lovers. He's begun to express his dirtier fantasies. Things I'm eager to show him and do to him.

Last night I finally handed him the magic wand and told him to help me come. I'm still very pleasantly surprised by how happy I am. Knowing that he now has the ability to give me the endless orgasms I have come to expect... I've gone from being a little sweet on him to being in love.

It might not really be the case but there's something about the way he kisses my forehead and squeezes me hard while seeming to be afraid to break me that absolutely melts my heart.

For instance...

I went to DB's place on Friday. I bought a new leather flogger with me. I had opened the box and felt it, sniffed the rich leather scent. But hadn't really played with it. I felt bad for even opening it. It was my gift to DB. But I really couldn't help myself.

My work week was already stressful. And there is something about going to see DB where I get extremely anxious in every sense of the word. I need him, to feel him, and to come with him. But I'm afraid of what will happen, too. Not that he wants to injure me. But being with him is intense in a way I've never felt before. And it's daunting.

When I got to his apartment I sat in the car a few extra moments, telling myself I was doing anything but procrastinating. But that's exactly what I was doing. Fear, excitement. It's a lot.

So I went up the three flights of stairs and knocked on his door. He opened it and let me in as he always does, setting away to give me my space as I set my stuff down and say hi. This time he kissed me hello.

I went and sat down in the couch, sitting on the edge, back straight, slightly away from him as he sat down next to me. Usually I head to the bedroom and strip down before laying on the bed, naked while I wait for him.

I saw that the door to his deck was open and commented on it. He told me it was for the cat's benefit.. We ended up having a brief, weird argument about the cat and the deck and being on the third floor. And then he actually started mansplaining to me. I didn't realise it at the time. But telling my husband about the argument suddenly made me realize that is made it clear to DB that I was very familiar with what I was saying and he still managed to explain it all to me....

Despite that, I gave him the box and he opened it, taking out the flogger. I think I kissed him a moment and he asked if I'd like to go try it out. I laughed and said yes.

I preceded him into the bedroom and stripped, throwing myself down on the bed in the direct breeze from the air conditioner. He fiddled around a bit before I finally feel the gentle slap of the leader in my skin.

That particular flogger, as it turns out, is almost all thud and no sting. It felt like a massage rather than a flogging. DB tried to hut me harder but it was really more of the same. He ultimately ended up switching between that and another flogger with much more sting.

I never thought I'd say it but I really like that sting. Even when it becomes just a bit too much. I like it. I want it.

The session entered as our sessions always do, the magic wand on my clit as he uses the glass dildo on my gspot forcing me to orgasm after wonderful orgasm. I think I could come as long as he had the stamina to let me, although I've been on the edge of "too much" that way, too.

It's a good problem to have.

Sunday, September 03, 2017


I tend to think of men as "cumming" and women as coming. I'm not sure why. Being a teenager and watching the internet become more like it is today I feel like maybe that's when the word diverged to two spellings. Reading online.

I'm sure that's also a very teenagerish thing to say. My generation came up with these spellings. No, I know we didn't.

Regardless, I've found myself a lover who makes me come. And not by accident he does this. No, it's all skill. And I come long, hard, and often. It's amazing. I crave to be his devoted servant.

What I've discovered is that the more he makes me come, the less coming alone satisfies me. It's frustrating and awesome.

On the other hand, I just masturbated to orgasm and it made my toes tingle. So maybe there's something to this....

Friday, July 28, 2017

Another notch on the bed post

Last night at approximately 10:30 PM I finally bagged (and banged) a Marine. And it was amazing.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Giving up?

I've been really busy the last few months meeting and fucking all sorts of men. In a lot of ways the experience has changed me for the better. It's been really interesting to watch my attitude, my wants, my desires change.

Several months ago when I slept with Josh (A) I feel like I ultimately was a better person for it. I can't think of the last time I felt like that. I always learn something. I always really get something out of it... as with all mistakes and all learning experiences.

At least with Josh (A) I leaned someone else could make me come. That it was worth it to be patient with my body and just let it happen. He really taught me something important.

With the lesson from Josh (A) I moved on to Josh (B) who then gave me my first orgasm using just his hands and mouth. Truly someone else could get me there. And do it with sheer patience and willpower.

And between them I discovered multiple orgasms and the difference between a self  administered orgasm and those from a lover.

Two men in the dozens I've had sex with over the years.

That's not okay.

I was talking to B the other night and we were discussing the number of people we'd had sex with. I still don't know his number. I don't actually care. I don't even know my own number. But he asked me at one point, in reference to the number "does oral sex count as sex?"

And that just set me off. Because honestly, I don't care if it does or doesn't. But it suddenly struck me that the question wasn't really "does oral sex count" but "do blow jobs count?"

In both his case and mine the question of "do blow jobs count" makes the number different. "Does pussy eating count?" Makes zero difference.

That's not okay.

So tonight I knew I wanted to get laid. I picked a guy who turned out to be very, very local, because of where he was staying. "I enjoy giving oral...i truly live to give women orgasms...its a rush for me," he said.

I got to his hotel and he informed me he'd left his door open. I got there, and walked in laughing "how do you know I'm not a murderer?!"

I got comfortable on the bed and he gave me a glass of wine. I settled in and we chatted. Maybe I made the mistake by admitting what a slut I've been. Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference.

Whatever the case he eventually made his move and we were both naked. His fingers found my clit and he teased it a bit. His cock was hard and close by so I grasped it, jerking it slowly.

Being me, I couldn't help myself. "Don't let me take this too far," I warned him just before I took him into my mouth.

He stopped me pretty quickly, hopped out of the bed and rolled on a condom. It was clear that even that simulation was a bit much for him. I moved into my knees inviting him to fuck me doggy style.

He moved behind me and slid inside. His cock nicely filling me. I knew he'd have a hard time. What I didn't expect was for him to come within about five strokes.

He did warn me. He also told me "I'll have to owe you a second round."

Once he came he cleaned himself up and sat back down in the desk chair. Surprising me a bit. I maybe he would come back to bed. But no.

We talked another minute or two and he began to work on his laptop. I lazed on the bed, drink and falling asleep, expecting the second round... eventually.

"Are you okay?" He asked me.

"What? Yes," I said.

"It's just you're the one that has to drive."

I thought about that a bit, drunkenly, thinking it was an odd thing to say. Was he telling me to leave?

"I'm a bit drunk right now," I told him. "The world is spinning a bit. I'll sober up."

He was not committal and turned on the TV, returning to work.

I lay on the bed a while before I started getting cold so I moved under the covers for warmth. "Oh, are you staying?" He asked.

"As long as it takes to get sober," I said.

So he was kicking me out.

He went back to working and I lay around a bit longer before finally starting to get dressed, slowly.  Pissed. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't quite know what to say or do.

I grabbed my phone and went to my dating profiles and began deleting things from them, my friends, my information, turning off my profiles.

I was finally dressed but still in bed when he got up to use the bathroom. I lay there a long moment before I realized that was the answer. I slipped on my shoes, grabbed my keys and booked it out of the room.

He texted me after I got home "Hey...sorry you left...i was nodding while working."

"Go to sleep," I responded.

Is he really that oblivious?

That is not okay.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

A regrettable choice

Last night I was exceptionally horny. For some reason I haven't managed to get laid as often as I want. Right now my car is having trouble and since I can't host and I don't want to drive more than I have to... I'm at a bit of a disadvantage. So, I've been refusing plans left and right.

On the other hand, as the months have gone by I've gotten more and more slutty. A few weeks ago I had sex with four different men on one night-- one of them being one of my regulars. The others? Strangers. I think one of them might have been named Steve. I'm not sure, though.

Neither Steve, nor his friend, nor the other guy who fucked me were people I'd normally choose to have sex with. Mostly older, not really what I consider particularly attractive. But all that mattered that night was the way I felt. And they all felt good. Some better than others.

So last night I got very impatient like I tend to do. I just needed to be filled. I start looking for meaningless sex that won't necessarily satisfy me but will at least take the edge off the hunger.  If I'm lucky he'll be a bit like the other recent one night stand that also have me the first manual orgasm I didn't give myself.

Because of my recent slutty experiences I've gradually been loosening up my restrictions on exactly who I will fuck. The recent one night stand was not someone if have chosen, normally. But thank goodness I did!

And so, when I got the random request for a hook up in the middle of the night from a young guy who was leaving town in the early morning I was more receptive than normal.

He was cute, too, so we met up. Talking to him was easy. We got along pretty well. But he also told me I was his first meeting from the site. It had been a few months since he had gotten laid. He was 24. I laughed uncomfortably.  None of that stopped me, though.

Ultimately, I took him to a wooded area near my house. We trekked back to a place where the grass was already flattened. Someone else had clearly already done something similar in the same place.

I spread out the blanket and sat down, making room for him.  And then we talked a bit more. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked him more than once, assuring him that if at any point he wanted to change his mind I would not have hurt feelings.

Ultimately, I went in for the first kiss. He quickly released his already swollen cock from his pants and gave me a moment to admire it. He was a fairly slight guy, short, very thin, and unexpectedly generously endowed. He pulled the top of my dress down to expose my breasts and latched on to a nipple, making sounds of appreciation.

While he entertained himself with my breasts, I took his cock in my hand, enjoying the hardness and size of it.  I asked him to move to up on the blanket a bit so I could taste him.

His cock was in my mouth a moment before he finally stood up and took off his pants completely. He helped me out of my dress and I sat before him, a naked, willing slut for his use.

He quickly returned his cock to my mouth but commented that he didn't want to come too soon. He must have gotten himself together because he began thrusting his cock deep into my mouth, forcing it's length into my throat.

I have an impressive gag reflex so I began gagging pretty quickly. I also have a strong desire to please so I did my best to take it. I ended up vomiting once, but went back to sucking his cock as he forced it down my throat over and over again.

Finally satisfied, he slid a condom on and told me to turn around. He knelt behind me and slid his thick cock into me and began thrusting. I could feel his cock forcing me open over and over. I clenched my pussy around him and felt and heard his response as he paused, breathing heavily.

We played a game of him trying to keep control of his orgasm while I tried to find mine and force his from him, squeezing my pussy around him rhythmically when he would stop moving. He asked me to turn over and pushed back inside me, alternately slapping, squeezing, and sucking my tits.

I could barely make out his face but I could see his concentration and watched with amusement as we brought him to the very brink of orgasm over and over. He wanted me to come for him, but it just wasn't there. And given the circumstances, I didn't mind so much. He felt amazing inside me. It's what I needed.

He finally asked me where I wanted him to come. "I don't care," I told him,  "wherever you want." He told me to get back onto my hands and knees and thrust into me a few times before telling me to turn over again. "I'm going to come on your face". I knelt before him, face upturned, mouth and tongue waiting excitedly for his offering.   He quickly soaked my face with his cum, somehow managing to avoid my eyes. I sucked the last few drops from his cock and smiled up at him, pleased with myself. And with him.

Once he was done, I used my underwear to wipe the remaining cum from my face. We redressed and walked back to my car. He asked me about his cock, wanting to know if I thought it was large. I agreed that it was, surprising for his frame but generous for any man.

I dropped him off at the airport and texted him to let me know how his trip ended.

This morning, I woke with regret. Not for anything we did. But for the 6 or 7 mosquito bites I discovered upon waking and several more I've found since then.....