Friday, December 31, 2004


Obviously I've been thinking a lot about rope. Just thinking, really.

Yesterday a guy came into my work and asked if we sold rope. I stared at him, momentarily surprised and speechless. Let's go back a bit and say this is a fine young K9 unit police officer. If there's a faster way to my heart I don't know it. And he's super duper cute. And sexy. And he flirts!

So when he asked me if we sold rope all I could think about was kink. And him. And me.

Eventually I was able to open my mouth and answer him... but only just.

That'd be my story from yesterday.


Please forgive the increasingly sporadic quality of my post as I've become mysteriously ill since just before Christmas. It's all the hallmarks of being pregnant... without actually BEING pregnant according to the tests. The doctor gave me a blood pregnancy test yesterday but the likelihood is very small. It would almost be a blessing if I WAS because at least my mysterious illness would be explained.

On the other hand being pregnant would be a REAL problem and would therefore be it's own catastrophy.

So basically I'm somewhat miserable. And I've been given one of those medications where my choice is feel sick... or I can take the medication and pass out. I hate being in a situation where those are my two choices. It's like how allergy medications used to work (you know.. like benedryl)... sneeze a lot... or take the pill and pass out.

Anyway. I do have a short story to relate later... but it's not all that interesting so don't get excited.

Thursday, December 30, 2004


Last night I was wrapping a package for my sister. As I worked to tie the twine I was (artistically) using as ribbon around her package I told my husband "you know, if I were into bondage and knew things about tying rope I'd totally wrap my gifts and then bind them up using those skills." Which is probably totally tacky and show-off-y in the sm world but I think that sort of thing LOOKS cool so... fuck it.

This got me to thinking so I went online and looked up a basic japanese body harnass-y thing and trussed up the next package just like that.

I gazed longingly at husband "can I try it on you?!?"

"NO," he said, with finality.

I frowned and went back to wrapping presents. My obediant and submissive dog walked up. It was his doom.

I went about fashioning him the same harnass out of yarn. He wasn't terribly happy to have the yarn winding about his body... but it wasn't hurting him either. Finished I admired my handywork as the dog stared at me looking none too pleased. He looked a rather lot like a sled dog in a pulling harnass. Finally, I removed it.

Don't get me wrong, I don't sexualize my dog. I just wanted to see what it would look like.

I turned back to husband. "That's cool. Now can I do you?"


I gazed at him, hurt. "Why not?" It's not like it's a restrictive thing. No movement is impeded. It's not like I was tying him up. Fuck, he ought to be INTO the idea of being tied up and helpless since he never really wants to do the work of having sex anyway. Not that I do, either, sometimes.

His mouth was a thin line as he went back to playing his game.

I continued to stare at him. "Are you trying to keep me from growing?" I asked.

He glanced at me, "FINE, after you shave my head tomorrow you can tie me up, maybe."

Ah, guilt. It's always fun to have such a willing subject.

Anyway, it's not even a sexual thing. I just want to try a new skill (simplistic though it may be) and see what it looks like on.. and in person.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004


Wandering around the mall I convinced husband we needed to at least visit the Spencer's. As we wandered through the all too small store, I stopped to gaze longingly at the fun little sex section. I fingered all the flavored lubes and massage oils and inevitably found myself drawn to the $14.99 purple rubber flogger that was hanging on the end cap. I immediately turned to husband and whipped his arm with it.


I tried again. Nothing.

I tried again.

"That kind of stings."

"Okay, do me."

He whipped my arm.






"HARDER! Are you afraid you're going to HURT me?!?"

A minor sting.

"I think I want that."

"You can get it."

"You probably won't use it on me."


We walked out of the store to the car.

"You can get it next time if you really want it."

"I think I do. You know... if only to hang on the wall. But are you afraid you're going to bruise me or something?"

"Who could tell? You're one big bruise ANYWAY."


Another Q&A

AKA No Original Thoughts

Q. I understand your desire for him NOT to be with someone else if he is not sleeping with you...that would make no sense at all. Have you two tried a threesome? Is that something that would interest either one of you?

A. We've never tried a threesome and near as I can tell husband is totally down with the idea of sleeping with another woman and myself... which really doesn't hold much interest for me. I mean, I could probably be there for him and pleasure him as always with her doing the same... but the idea of being with another woman makes me want to sigh heavily and find somewhere else to be more often than not. And, as I covered husband probably wouldn't be able to function with another man around. I just asked him in all seriousness (with the caveat what I wasn't really suggesting it... just trying to answer a question more fully) if he thought he could handle a MFM threesome to which he replied "yeah, probably." I quizzed him further and got, "well, probably not." And went further to ask "what about with your friend?" (the one I've mentioned here lately) and got "probably... but then I wouldn't really be paying much attention to him." So, goes to show it'd have to be someone he's *really* comfortable with.

Q. "unconcerned shrug" and "mostly disinterested" aren't very exciting corner stones to build any kind of sex life! Doesn't sound like a typical mid-twentysomething male. He better get his dick checked or something

A. He's 30, about to be 31. Of course, this is not an excuse as the vast majority of my lovers are closer to mid-30's and they manage just fine. However, there really isn't anything wrong with his functioning (off hand I can't think of a time he was unable to get it up spontaneously or when I wasn't able to take matters into my own hands with success). He masturbates at least once a day most days. I don't begrudge him that and don't think it really correlates to our lack of sex. It's all mental, baby.

Q. Rod makes me wonder, and please forgive my asking, but is there4 any chance your husband is gay and just not at terms with it?I've also read about a growing "asexuality" classification of people lately, which for me is really disturbing.I wish I knew the answer...then we'd both be getting more from our respective spouses alongside the extras.

A. I've been bugging my husband for years about being gay. Except that he's not. I'm a porn hound and own more than a couple of gay porn movies. Husband knows I absolutely adore hot gay action. He knows I'd think it was really hot if he WERE bisexual or even outright gay even if I never ever got to watch and only got to hear the stories. However, he's never ever in the entire time we've been together expressed any sort of a real interest in another man (except some huge strong man on TV... but the dude was amazing and I'm not really sure he meant it). His porn collection on his computer is exclusively straight (I've checked in my search for something new to masturbate to). I just admitted to him that I used his computer once for that purpose and he said "oh." So I told him "I didn't find anything weird. Should I have?!?" He responded "Umm. No." I stared at him a long moment and he asked, "were you hoping I'd say 'yes!' and 'here it is!' because I don't." The only thing I find that I find worrysome is his penchant for those barely legal girls. Which lead to a running joke when I was in my early twenties that it was time for him to trade me in for a younger model. Anyway, he told me spontaneously that he has never used MY computer for the purpose of checking my hard drive for porn because "I don't think I'd like yours."

Monday, December 27, 2004

An Answer

I was asked if my marriage is open for both of us or if I'm just a selfish slut. Okay, that's not really what I was asked. But it's a more amusing way of putting it.

Truth be told my marriage IS completely open. When my husband is quizzed as to why he lets me sleep around his answer is usually an unconcerned shrug and the answer "you'd let me." Which is definately true.

Husband HAS slept with another girl. Once. It wasn't that great for either of them based on the description. However, whenever I suggest he find himself another woman to sleep with he is mostly disinterested.

I know. I don't get it either.

Since we started this whole "open marriage" I have put a stipulation on him sleeping with other people. Namely, he's forbidden to get with someone else if he's not getting with me, too. I cannot express how hurt and angry I would be were he to start sleeping with someone else while letting our sex life continue to languish as it has. I've explained to him exactly my reasoning and he appeared to understand and accept it.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Merry Christmas

It was a nice Christmas. Had husband's friend over and I flirted with him a little. I did make it a point to go and take a two hour nap, though, so they'd at least have SOME time together without having me breathing down their necks.

So we made a late breakfast and I made an early dinner and we were WELL fed. It was good.

After husband's friend left I crawled on top of husband and kissed him. I probably could have gone further at that moment but was terribly concerned he'd think it had something to do with his friend. Which it would've. But I'd hate for him to think I'm THAT attracted to his friend. It might be awkward.

However, I soon came to regret it as several hours later I asked husband for sex (for Christmas) and got something of a less than luke warm response. *sigh*

The ex sent me an IM wishing me a Merry Christmas. I definately have my sights set back on him. Unless he decides he really likes his girlfriend again which would be very annoying. But not surprising.

Friday, December 24, 2004


Q. I'm wondering where this change of heart came in about Li all of a sudden?

A. The change has been very gradual. And will probably flip back and forth for a while. It may never settle which should be SO boring to read that you'll just gag and leave. Of late, Li has demonstrated an attitude of superiority and (as I mentioned earlier) the inability to do wrong. That is NOT sexy. At ALL.

I called him on the fact that I was tired of hearing it and the next time I told him "hey, this is broken" he should just fucking fix it instead of telling me how someone must have broken it because he never ever would have put it out like that and blah blah blah because I really don't fucking CARE what he would or wouldn't have done so long as the fucker gets fixed. Which is absolutely bullshit. I've CAUGHT him putting shit out and he still denies it and latches onto the lies my manager tells everyone rather than admitting that maybe he made a mistake.

The other day when I realized it was late and that I had failed to double check that his company was sending him, I called him to ask but ended up leaving a message. I get a long winded message about how he doesn't get in the middle of the scheduling stuff and he's been told he's going elsewhere and if I have a scheduling problem or question I should call the company and here's the number and there's nothing he can do about it. Blah blah blah. The question was "will you be in tomorrow" the answer was "no" but I get this long winded "you're stupid for even asking me" speech. Well, thanks a fucking lot. So I left him a message back basically saying "dude, I asked a question. I did what I was supposed to do up until forgetting to confirm TODAY because god knows I'm not perfect. I only asked so we could stop telling customers that you'd be there when apparently you WON'T. That's ALL."

Meanwhile, the other day he made two other comments about me not knowing him at all and how he didn't feel like talking to ME about something. Well, fuck you, too dude. I've been trying and he says shit like that.

Granted, none of these things matter so much when one is in bed. However, I tend to find one's personality shows through when it comes to sex and it's not looking good for him. Shoot, if I don't even LIKE him how am I supposed to want to suck his dick?

Of course, he COULD just be this way about WORK. But I'm not so sure.

Oh, yeah. And telling me that he NEVER cries at work because if he cried some guy might hug him and then people would think he was a "faggot" didn't really endear him to me, either. It's not unheard of for me to sleep with people and disagree with their completely stupid views on gay folks but it feels a lot like sleeping with a Klan member. And, I don't feel the urge to give Klan members sex. And yeah, he COULD have meant the term "faggot" as an endearment... however, I'm having a hard time convincing myself.

Thursday, December 23, 2004


I had to call Li tonight for a work related thing. And I told him to call MY boss back instead of me. If he calls here I will SO totally NOT be looking forward to talking to him. At ALL. Wow. Well, I'd be okay with talking to him if he wouldn't get all serious and give me a talking to about the message I was passing on to him. *sigh*

Anyway. I'm cleaning the house so I don't have time to write anything terribly worthwhile.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004


Li annoyed me again today and I didn't even SEE him. Such a love/hate thing which is gradually becoming increasingly hate. So much for that, eh? And yet...

I'm going to get my tongue done. At this point I'm going through the same thing I went through when I got my nipples done. Trying to figure out whether I can handle the pain. I mean, theoretically of COURSE I can. I mean, god knows. I got my NIPPLES done for Christ sake. But the tongue thing... is there anything worse than dental pain? I mean, I know it's not really DENTAL pain... but... eek. So I'm being all wussy and skeevy and basically waiting until I'm really really ready. I'm sure I'll bring it up as a possibility a few more times before I'm absolutely sold on getting it done and then DOING it. The later is the hard part.

There was something else I felt like mentioning. Put a lot of thought into it. Apparently I put too much thought into it and don't have any thought left at all.

That sucks.

I'm thinking if the ex is still interested in sex next time I run into him I'll be running over there like a dog in heat. I need SOMETHING to distract me from my frustration with Li and put me back into some kind of a good mood. They say you can never go back but I'm willing to make the effort. Husband says I should try to get the ex out of my system. I'm not sure that's the way to do it but... hey... I'll make the effort.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004


Let my blog be ALL about Li, okay? Because I'm like... obsessed.

Actually, we were talking about piercings. I was relating the story of my jewelry being changed by the piercer. I can't remember if I wrote this ever-so-brief story. I might write about it later if I didn't. Anyway.

I was telling Li that I was definately getting my tongue done soon. Of course this is VERY MUCH an invitation for him to put his dick in my mouth. I mean, DUH. From what I can tell it's an experience he's never had (either putting his dick in my mouth or putting his dick in the mouth of a pierced tongued girl) and I'm more than happy to provide those experiences to him. Simultaneously if neccessary.

Anyway he mentioned that he once knew a girl who'd had her tongue pierced further back than normal. Because it was more useful.

Now, I could have stood before him considering the implications of this and trying desperately to think of how having the piercing further back would be more sexually stimulating to a guy. I mean, I momentarily questioned this and then decided rather than standing there looking like an idiot or physically pantomiming in an effort to make sure this would make sense I nodded and said something like "ah, must have been off center, then." And left it at that.

However, I felt the need to consider this. Pantomiming in private being less than thrilling. And not very revealing. I told husband "go wash your penis. I want to try something." Knowing I only want him to wash when I'm about to go down he rushed off to do that. Of course, he refused me sex yesterday AND today already... but a BJ? Oh, yeah. He's there.

So I practiced it on him and realised that when I get my tongue pierced he's NOT going to like it very much. The places that the piercing will hit will be places he doesn't particularly LIKE being hit. And getting it done further back (were that an option) would only exacerbate the problem.

Not to mention my often spectacular gag reflex.

So, they shall have to pierce me as they see fit. And I'll just have to deal with the consequences later.
Talked to my boss today. Apparently she's unhappily married. But getting out of it in a civilized manner. Basically she seemed fairly resolute but not rushing. A mutual decision. Apparently he's cheated on her a number of times.

I stared at her. "But... you encourage me to cheat with Li!" She smiled a little, "yeah, but I don't think he'd really do it."

Damn. She might not be wrong.

But maybe....

I wonder what the ex is up to. I'm thinking I want some of that again. NSA.

Monday, December 20, 2004

My day.

I spent the day flirting with Li. Instead of looking forward to his being there with much anticipation I rather didn't give a shit. He pissed me off a lot. So, I went to work and while I made sure everything was set up for him, I made it a point to avoid him as much as possible.

He apparently doesn't care to be ignored.

So, after ignoring him for a while I flirted a little. And he flirted back. And we ended up flirting a hell of a lot. And I was tempted to ask him to fuck the hell out of me. But instead bit my tongue because he supposed to let me know when he's single again. And hasn't yet. But it sure is fun to flirt.

I suppose I could STILL ask him to fuck me. Flirtingly.

Anyway. It seems to work best when I don't get all excited about him coming. Because when he ignores ME... I get really upset. And it just goes downhill.

And I bitched him out for his last message which ended up "make sure there's space for me and pull the product" and I was like "fucker!" And deleted the message.

Anyway. We're on good terms. I just gotta calm my ass down.

Meanwhile, the ex is inviting me for sex again. *sigh* So tempting.

Sunday, December 19, 2004


I drove past the complex of a potential lover. Someone I haven't talked to in weeks but whom still entices me. As I sat at the light waiting for the light to change, husband sitting quietly next to me I found myself lost in the fantasy of snuggling up to the other guy, our lips finding one another's.....

I noticed the cars around me moving. I missed the light change. Only by a second or two.

Is it bad when one's sexual fantasies distract from driving?

And I still haven't had sex with husband since the last time I wrote about it. And the last time I wrote about it was... ummm.

Yeah, I don't remember either.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Tears on my pillow...

I had a friend die yesterday. It's been a long time coming, although it was still somewhat unexpected the down turn she took. Thus my recent depression.

Anyway. what is it about death that just makes sex seem so much more enticing?

Probably just need to be held. Really, really close. You know... on the inside.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Quick Entry

I spent the better part of tonight with Husband and his friend Jay. I kind of dig Jay and he occasionally digs me, too. We're not likely to sleep together. Well, yeah... just not likely.

Except I find myself wanting to try to seduce him. And being really unsure HOW. Because he MIGHT go along with it. Or he might not. And if he didn't... that could be awkward since he's Husband's closest friend right now. Best not to really even consider it, seeing as he IS Husband's closest friend.

Anyway, the point was, as I was laying there on the couch with my head on husband's lap I was thinking how much of a turn on it would be to suck Husband's cock while Jay watched... then came over to take care of me. Or get sucked. Or whatever. I just see the possibility of a really hot threesome there. Except Husband is not the kind of guy to be into that sort of thing.

The point is more that I've found someone I'd be really comfortable having that sort of experience with and that's pretty cool. Not to say I will... but it's good to know that there, in fact, ARE people like that in the world. And at some point I might come across the right circumstances with two of the right guys and that'd be super hot.

Off to bed.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

How to build a better day.

I decided I needed a pick me up for the evening. I talked at husband for a while. That helped.

Then I went to the not-so-local piercing palace and bought some new nipple jewelry. The entirely too hot piercer didn't even OFFER to see my breasts... he DEMANDED. It was GREAT. I mean, you know, basically he acted like it was expected that he would change my jewelry for me. Yeehaw.

So, I bared the girls for him and he helped figure out exactly which barbells I'd need and popped them in for me. It involved a touch of pinching pain. Lesson here... it's much less painful if I do it myself. But far less fun.

I questioned him a bit on tongue piercing, as I'm getting ready for that next. Basically, wanting to know about the healing period and how long until I could change the jewelry.

Having paid the guy to play with my nipples (actually, I only paid for the jewelry not the fondling), I headed home.

Once home I took the dogs out for a walk to loosen the old nerves and now I feel much much better.

Lastly will be some kind of late evening meal in front of the last two episodes of Sex and the City that are On Demand.

Oh, and I told husband he was absolutely going to have to give it up... and soon... because girlfriend (me) is getting irritated about her lack of attention. He told me maybe he'd give it to me tomorrow before we visit his friend (who's seen my nipple jewelry and whom I wouldn't mind fucking) in an effort to keep me from being QUITE so slutty. But of course, he doesn't really care HOW slutty I am. And having sex before going over there is only likely to make me want to have MORE sex. But I didn't mention that part.

Gotta let the guy have his dreams.

NOT sexy

Today was NOT a sexy day for me. I cried in front of Li AGAIN. Why oh why must I be such a big cry baby? We ended up having a bit of a fight when I just got tired of hearing him make these excuses that he always makes (work related). Irritating as shit.

Anyway, I said something not very nice and had to go back and apologize and by the end of the day everything was okay but he was all worried about me. *sigh*

On the positive side I'll have an excuse to give him a call either tonight or tomorrow. You know, to let him know that I'm okay.

However, I'm getting a really irritated feeling that nothing's going to come of all this. Or that by the time something has the potential of coming of it I'll be bored and not turned on by him at all.


I'm so frustrated.

Da Butt

I've been watching the first season of Sex in the City. Either the show is much more riveting when watching from the beginning or the first season is much better than the rest of the shows. Whatever the case, I've been watching a lot of it.

Last night as I was getting ready to write my entry and checking my notes I saw that I had a couple new comments. on my anal entry. I checked it and giggled. I turned to my husband and explained that he should NOT get excited but that I had written an entry on anal sex and how I was considering doing it again. He raised his hand and waved at me, grin on his face.

I laughed my ass off as I explained to him that a particular guy whom I'd had sex with had written exactly what he was doing. But that, basically, NEITHER of them were in the running because... well... I said LESS well endowed. Which is to say NOT as large as either of THEM.

I can only think of a couple of guys I've slept with who fall into that catagory and should either of them read this or the other entry either before or after I offered them da butt they might be really offended.

Meanwhile, I told husband "But I don't WANT to be the up the butt girl!" Which is a total Sex in the City reference.

Except maybe I do just once this year....

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Mmm. Yum.

Today was a day that was.

I was really grumpy.

I saw Ving. I was kind of bitchy. I felt bad for being bitchy with him. It wasn't his fault. I should have apologized but never got the chance.

However, EARLIER in the evening I was talking to Ving. Flirting with him. Someone was standing in my way, talking to him. I interupted. I stepped in front of him and put my arm around him. He responded in kind, his hand finding the small of my back. He rubbed there lightly. I shivered with desire. I felt my body responding. I wanted his hand to move, to explore. I wanted it to stay exactly where it was, rubbing. I wanted to feel him pressed against me. I didn't want to move an inch. Well. Yes, I did.

Instead I broke contact before my face gave away what exactly he was doing to me.

I was tempted to tell him to never ever ever tease me like that again.

Except I really really like it.


I had a dream about Li this morning. It was a very loooong dream as dreams go and I woke up during it twice.

In the dream Li, Husband, and I went to a movie together. Li, seeing husband and I together, was being moody. He started drinking. The movie ended and Husband kind of disappeared. Li, meanwhile, was completely smashed at this point. He assured me that he was more than capable of driving home since he wasn't THAT drunk. We talked a bit and I flirted with him quite a bit, before finally telling him "clearly you're in no condition to drive. Come home with me."

And he did.

Except by the time we were home he was much more sober and was explaining to me at length something less than sexy. I can't remember exactly what it was but I was rather upset that I wasn't going to be able to get into his pants because he was sobering up so much. He kept talking and I kept thinking that I really desperately wanted this man. It was all I could do to NOT jump him right then and there, protests be damned.

When I woke up I was wet.

How come my dreams are so much like my reality? I just ain't gettin' none from that man.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

More phone!

My newest hit counter hit 666 today. I was noticing it this morning thinking it would and how sad I would be to miss it. Except I didn't. I loaded my page and there it was, waiting for me. Awwww. It's since changed. But it was a beautiful thing. The benefit of "not many readers." Not that I'm complaining anyway because it might freak me out to have TOO many people reading.

Anyway, I found a work-related excuse to call Li today. Twice. He didn't answer. Finally (and oddly) as I was on the phone with someone else from work (who was sitting in her car behind me) he called me back. I think he'd called me back before then but my phone gets no reception inside the building I work in. Since I was in the middle of a convo I didn't take the call. However, I ended it very quickly and called him back. We talked for just a couple of minutes.

I do tend to read things into conversations. Perhaps over think things too much. But as he explained to me that he was making "sauce from scratch" I was once again reminded that he most likely thinks I'm looking for a second (replacement) husband rather than someone I can adore and fuck. I mean, seriously "from scratch"? C'mon. Yeah, I was impressed and a little turned on... but the chances of him ever cooking for me? Well, actually, I can see that happening. But let's just pretend for the sake of the story that I don't. The cooking thing is SO domestic and relationship-y.

After the conversation I went back to work and was all smiles and happy. My co-worker looked at me and told me "the trip to get food couldn't have been THAT good... and you certainly didn't get laid in the last 15 minutes... what's up?!?" But I just smiled. Li is such a private person and she absolutely wouldn't understand me wanting to desperately to fuck someone who isn't Husband. So, it's for the best that I keep it to myself.

I texted Li a bit ago telling him that I was pathetically happy after our phone call and that I must surely be about 12 years old. And goodnight.

I should be stopped. Quickly.

It doesn't help that my boss is very much aware of what's TRYING to go on with Li and I and when she mentions it she tells me "you work slow." Which is to say she definately thinks I should be fucking him by now. She's not wrong. Damn.

Except I'd prefer she think that I'm not working on him at ALL.

But that I actually was fucking him by now.



Yesterday Li called me. About work. He left a message since I wasn't anywhere near the phone to hear it when he called. I stared blankly at the phone afterward. Did he really just use my cell # for THAT? Fucker.

I composed a text message back. Then changed my mind. I added his name and number to my phone's memory. Yay.

I considered going in to see him. I changed my mind. Finally, I HAD to go to work to find out my schedule. I looked for his car but didn't see it. But upon entering I could hear his music. He was there alright.

I picked up the item I'd come in for, a mirror, and visited with him for a few minutes. He took the mirror and looked at himself. "I'm getting old," he told me. I looked at him... really looked at him. A few speckles of grey hair right in the front that I'd never noticed. I laughed at him and told him I had my first grey at 17. Although I've never found another since... I also dye my hair fairly regularly. "Is that why?" He asked. Alas, no. I just do it "because."

He touched me. He does that more, now. I don't feel the shock of excitement when he touches me. But I'm very aware of his touch. And of wanting more.

Late last night, my friend called me, too. I talked about Li (whom she's only seen once in passing) and about Ving (whom she knows well) and we giggled together. I felt like I was 14 talking about boys again. I told her, "I love men soooo much." She laughed and told me "I do, too. I just couldn't give them up!" (A reference to her bisexuality).

We giggled more. I hung up with visions of the men in our lives... naked and hard.

I came three times last night.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Pr0n that I'm watching as I type.

I don't watch porn for the bitches. (An affectionate term, I promise).

I rarely watch the porn for the men, either, since so few of the men are actually hot. Or even vaguely attractive to me. Eric Price being an exceptional exception.

Getting back to the subject, my porn finally arrived.

A couple of the scenes involve white women with black men.

Why are all the white women blonde? I'm not blonde. And it's seriously irritating. Sometimes it's okay to see a darker haired female with a black man, you know? I'm just saying.

It's too bad there isn't more of a market for hot asian guys, too. Mmm.

Sunday, December 12, 2004


I got really turned on. I wanted to cum.

My mind drifted.

Being bent over the couch, held down, fucked hard. A few stinging slaps on my ass. "Slut, you like my cock fucking you hard, don't you, bitch?" Hands burying themselves in my hair forcing my head back, my body at a weird angle. Entirely devoted to squeezing every ounce of pleasure from the cock pounding away inside me.

I try to envision Li.

Too tender.

Husband's out.

One answer springs to mind. Someone who'd fuck me good and hard, forcing me to bend to him... all the while twisting himself around me.

Lies Lies Lies. Well. Lie.

In the note I just finished writing I wrote "Any sex is better than none at this point" and as soon as I posted it I thought "liar." In truth, I'm being rather picky about the sex I have. Especially right now, during a time of emotional upheaval (having nothing to do with any man at all).

There's a guy who's extremely close to me who has been throwing himself at me with abandon. We even ran into each other at my work, which was funny because as soon as I saw him there I thought "oh, I've seen him here before." However, he has a wife and kids and I don't really approve of the way he's trying to handle things with me. It's just a bad feeling. So, while I COULD be getting laid and he MIGHT be awesome in bed... I've declined a number of times. I'm debating the idea of sleeping with married men at ALL anymore. I mean, with an exception here or there, of course. But declining. It really sucks.

As did turning down DJ's request for a booty call the other day. Oh, that *really* sucked.

But let's just be honest. I still desire Li over all others. And he ain't giving it up. What's it with me finding men who want to play hard to get?!?

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Last Pill.

Well, I just took the last pill for this cycle today. Which means my period shall arrive in the next few days. Oh, joy.

Then again, at least it's not as unpleasant as when I'm NOT in the pill. So maybe I won't bitch so much.

Not so much going on. I gave Li my number. He still hasn't called. I gave Ving my e-mail. He never e-mailed me. I gave weird Eric my e-mail... still nothing. I messaged CD to see what he's up to... and got no response. Basically... I'm feeling mightily ignored.

Husband isn't responding to my advances, either. Which is no real surprise. I'm finished making him feel bad for our lack of sex. I tend to push for it but brush it off when I get turned down. I'm not looking for him to think of me and of sex as annoying. So careful I am being. And no sex I am getting.


Clearly I owe the man a BJ.

Just not tonight.

Friday, December 10, 2004


I swore I'd never have anal again. My body clearly isn't made for it and much as I find it pleasurable there are just too many draw backs... especially after the fact.

But about once a year or so I just crave the fuck out of it. I want to try again.

But maybe this time with someone not so generously endowed....


I have a very ill friend. I spent the better part of yesterday and the day before in mourning for her near passing. Yesterday, Li was there. I tried to comfort me. Men are funny. It's that awkward back pat... repeatitively. Too fast. Too hard. Me, mentally: Calm the fuck down, dude!

I rested my head on his shoulder. I cried just a little. And then I realised I was pressed rather intimately against the guy who's body I want more than anyone else's right now. Oh. My. I'm grieving, remember? Oh, but he feels so.... STOP!

I moved away. Trying hard not to give away my response. Inappropriate moment.

I'm still stuck on the feel of his body. Softer than I thought. Less wall-like. Good. Warm. Too clothed.

But the awkward, too hard, too fast pat. Is that how he'll touch me? Hmm. I hate having to tell a guy to slow down.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Lap Dance

Well, the old barbell (my new toy I've mentioned a few times) is getting rave reviews from me. Sore and uncomfortable though I was from my extremely lengthy play time with it the other night I absolutely could NOT resist using it again last night for my orgasm. And it was a quick, great one. I have no complaints on that front. Why, I'm practically satisified with just that! Well, practically.

I was dressed in only my underwear when I approached my husband. I sat on his lap as he reclined and gave him something of a lap dance. His hands moved to my hips as I leaned back against his chest. "You know, I do these things to you that I don't do to ANYONE else and I swear you don't appreciate it." I tend to think if one of my other lovers were relaxed on the sofa with my mostly naked body rubbing suggestively over his it wouldn't be long until I had cock inside of me SOMEWHERE. Husband began caressing my hips and butt, saying nothing.

The attention felt good.

He was clearly disinterested in sex.

I left him alone.

I need to learn to be so slutty and demanding for my lovers. Without shame or embarassment. The sooner the better.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

The new toy.

Last night was certainly eventful. And kind of sad. And entirely joyful.

Shortly after I got my new toy I threw it in some boiling water, cooled it off, and slipped it inside myself. Oh, yes. First off, I'm really not sure I "get" the exercises I'm supposed to be doing with it. I don't understand why it's weighted. Or why it's supposedly any better than any other dildo at helping me exercise my PC muscles.


It's unique shape certainly is something to write home about.

I spent at least an hour having really incredibly atheletic sex... with myself. By the time I was done I was shaking a little... over heated ... sweating hard.... My entire body wanted to go limp. And today... I'm sore all over.

You see, I've never had an orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation. This remains the case. But without question I was really fucking close. More than once. When I felt it I couldn't stop. I had to drive myself over the edge. I HAD to make myself cum this way. I concentrated. I tried concentrating on porn. On my breathing. Closing my eyes and concentrating on the sensation. I tried distracting myself by grabbing my breast, hard. Nothing. But it all felt SO fucking GOOD. How could I stop that pleasure?

Finally, I just HAD to cum. I couldn't wait anymore. Surprisingly, worn out and completely turned on as I was, the orgasm wasn't that great. I'm not complaining. I've had lots of better orgasms with my lovers, lately. But the overall experience was AWESOME.

Were it not for the fact that the inside of my pussy is still swollen and tender from the long night of masturbation I'd be doing it again. I woke up horny, arching my hips to the ghostly lovers of my dreams.

I need more.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Mentally Disabled.

Li was at work today. It was a rather uneventful day. Not much flirting (there were far too many people around to get "intimate"). It was disappointing at best.

However, toward the end of the day he gave me the phone number for his work so I could leave a message there asking for him to be sent back later during the week. No problem. I call. This was my message:

Hi this is (me) calling from (my work). I'd appreciate it if you'd please send (Li) back to us later on in the week. Please call me back tomorrow and let me know if he'll be available. I work from Nine to... wait... I work from one thirty to... no... one... shoot. I don't know what time I work. Okay, I work from one to close. So if you could please give me a call back our number is (numbers here). Thanks.

*sigh* I went and told Li about it before he heard about it from the person I left the message for.

While Li was giving me the work number I looked at it and said "you know that's NOT the number I want from you."

"Ask and ye shall receive" he told me.

Then he handed me the work number. The phone call above ensued. And about that time he left.

I was talking to my husband about this. And I suddenly said, "oh, shit. He was telling me if I asked him for his home number he'd give it to me, wasn't he?"

This is the mental capacity I'm fighting against on a daily basis. I'm clearly too stupid to get any.

The deleted entry.

Blogger certainly wanted nothing to do with me last night. Nor the entry I tried to post which it disappeared. Hmph.

Anyway, as I was trying to say last night...

Li will be at work today. Yay. Unfortunately, so will my boss for most of the day, which means I can't hang all over him all day. Maybe it's for the best. Much as I want me some of that I shouldn't probably HAVE any of it.

Saturday night I finally gave in and ordered a bunch more porn DVDs off the 'net. I'm rather tired of the crappy quality and length of the vids online so I say "fuck it" and buy my own. Quality control.

Husband explained to me that he's happy with the porn he downloads off the 'net. "Just use your p2p software and search for whatever porn you want... then download the big stuff. Works for me." Hmm. So, last night in desperate need of some stimulation I snuck over to his computer and borrowed the use of his porn. That worked. Nicely. Of course, I had to "put everything back" as it was. Almost made the mistake of leaving my lube next to his computer. That would have been a dead give away if anything ever was. Not that he'd have been super mad but he might have been a little. We pretty much don't mess around with one another's computers without a damned good reason.

Also last night I stared at husband for a while before telling him, "you know, sometimes I just want you to push me over the back of the couch and fuck me hard." I demonstrated, fully clothed. He came up behind me, carrying one of the dogs and planted him on my back, laughing. Ah, that's my darling husband. Takes me SO seriously.

Just how I like it. Now, can we pleeaaase have sex?

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Mmm. Porn.

It occured to me that there was absolutely no way to broach the subject of Ving being the person who searched me up and checked out this site without putting the idea into his head were he not the person in question. Therefore, if you're the person in question please let me know that you're not him because that'd be very helpful. Otherwise... well... I still can't assume it's him. Damn.

I also discovered, though, that so long as he continues to treat me about the same as he has it doesn't really MATTER if he reads this. Which I think I knew before.

On a completely unrelated subject I went on a small buying spree and picked out a handful of porn movies and bought them online. I'm waiting impatiently for them to arrive. No question they won't be quality but at least they'll be longer than the majority of the clips I come across online. And I have a touch more control over the content. Now I have to wait for those, TOO. Damn. No clue when those'll arrive, alas.

I need some stimulation!

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Well then.

I saw Ving today. I wonder if he would be (is?) offended by that nickname. He said he tried to e-mail me. It all bounced back. Of course it did. I messed up the damned address. So I gave him another. Not much flirting today. Some. He said a couple of very norty things to me. I considered telling him not to tease me as I can't take it. Except I can. I'm not even sure that if he were serious I'd WANT to sleep with him. It'd be weird. Him and I. Ah, well. Still fun to flirt.

I'm still hacking mercilously. I dream that some day I shall be hale and healthy again. And busily fucking anyone I can get my hands on because I want it a hell of a lot more often than I been getting it.

Still no toy. I guess I do have to wait until Monday. DAMMIT.

It's Saturnday

Let's see... what does this day have in store for me? Lots of work. Definately. Maybe I'll see Ving (ah, I remembered his nickname). Or maybe not. I often don't see him each week. Even if I do, though, we'll both be busy so I won't even get to talk to him. Which is fine because I'm vaguely offended that he never e-mailed me. Of course, I gave him the WRONG address so maybe I shouldn't be. Maybe. How hard is it to figure out that the major free-e-mail service's addresses end in .com instead of .net (like I wrote)? I shall try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Gotta stick to what I KNOW.

And what I know is that I have too many e-mail addresses if I can mess up that easily.

I'm also hopeful my new toy will show up today instead of Monday. It's in the city, now. So it just has to make it out here... can it do it on a Saturday?!? Do they deliver on Saturdays?!?

Am I impatient after having argued with myself for so long over whether to even buy the thing? Oh, yes!

Friday, December 03, 2004

New Toy

Thursday morning before I left for work I (on the spur of the moment) purchased this little baby. It's something that's caught my attention in the past and I finally said "fuck it, bring it on!"

Besides the obvious reason to buy which is merely for variety, I figured the increased PC strength wouldn't hurt either for myself or my lovers. Also, I was vaguely curious about glass and the heat/cold aspect of it. However, glass is so... breakable. Steel is an obvious substitute.

I bought the 2 day shipping but apparently I still have to wait until Monday. In fact, it took almost 12 hours for the thing to be marked as having left the California shipping facility. Damn. I'm so impatient.

On the positive side, Li will be in on Monday and I'll be getting the new toy the same day. It shall be hard pressed to BE a better day.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Booty Call

DJ called me last night. Only one reason for that.

Unfortunately, I'm really sick. It's one thing to have sex with Husband when I'm hacking so hard I'm puking. It's another to go to bed with someone I'm still hoping to impress.

There are not many times I've been more frustrated over being sick than I was last night.

And I'm doing only marginally better, now.

Being sick is NOT sexy.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004


Someone looked me up on yahoo by my blogging name (OdalisqueK). Someone went through and read my archives. Damn. Probably someone I know.

I should be prepared to be utterly embarassed, right?

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Honestly I try not not share EVERY little detail.

But tonight husband finally agreed to have sex with me after my assurances that I've been taking the pill like a good little trooper and am in no real danger of conception. This done, we set to work for a much needed quickie. "I'm not up to any atheletics" he told me, "after all I was planning to go to sleep." No problems there. I was definately feeling the need to get off. My human toy, he would be.

Within a minute or two I was THERE. On the verge or orgasm.. one... more... thurst... and he pulls out, stopping dead. My entire body froze for a moment... "wha-" and then... I burt into gales of laughter. "You did NOT just do that," I said, laughing my ass off. If only I could have seen his face in that moment because he was quiet for a moment before telling me, "what?!? I didn't know! There were no signs! I had a cramp!" I continued to laugh uproariously. Minutes tick by as I try to get myself under control. He's wilting.

Finally, I get myself back together, get back in position he slides inside and I start laughing my ass off AGAIN. I calm down. We try again. Laughter. I'm laughing so hard I'm coughing. Coughing so hard I'm gagging. Gagging so hard I'm almost... oops... running to the bathroom.

"Are you throwing up?" ....yeah....

I brush my teeth. I get control. I go back. He's soft. I work to get him hard again. He's semi. "I don't think I can get it harder than this," I tell him. "It's okay, once it's in it'll get harder." Thank god.

We position ourselves. In he goes. And laughter, AGAIN. He slips out. "I'm glad it's so entertaining. At least laughter is healing." I stop myself, he slides in. It's ALL I can do to concentrate on what he's doing... and not to laugh. I must stop associating the feeling of him sliding inside me with laughter. I'm in control. I feel myself getting close, "I'm going to cum soon!" I warn him, this time. 10.. 15 strokes later I cum. He wants to stop moving but I urge him on as the orgasm keeps rolling through me. YES. I'm done.

He stops moving, adjusting his leg. "I've never felt more like a gigalo. 'must stay in... my leg, my fucking leg hurts... gotta keep going... this is a tough one... shoulda been a doctor....' " I laugh again, freely. Satisfied. Then he tells me he's going to hit the shower. I go to turn on the A/C.

I return as he steps out of the shower, I help him masturbate to orgasm. And then he goes to sleep.

I'm outrageously happy. Sometimes the best sex is the most embarassing so long as it's between two people who've learned they have nothing to be embarassed about with the other.

Monday, November 29, 2004

I'm dumb.

Because it occurs to me that the e-mail address I gave the guy I was flirting with yesterday links rather directly with this blog. I mean, not directly directly but it wouldn't take a genious to figure it out. I'm clearly stupid. If he reads this and think I'm all serious about him I'm going to be so embarassed.

I write very dirty things and tend to take myself very seriously at times. I don't really take my flirtation with him seriously. Just somewhat more seriously now than I did before.

Now with Li... yeah, I take that really fucking seriously. But that's different. That's not just me flirting. I can't even explain that one adequately.

I'm still a slut, though.

Such a slut.

Apparently I have some sort of a problem involving an intense need for male attention. At least, I think it must certainly come off as a problem. It might BE a problem. I'll have to let you know later.

Regardless, there's this guy at work I flirt with whenever I have the chance. He's an employee who works in another area of the store. I can't remember if I already gave him a nickname and I'm awfully too lazy to go read my archives to see what I called him. He's this guy that I've lusted after BIG time for a long time, but recognise that he's not interested in me and therefore it's cool to flirt with him knowing that I won't ever get him. No pressure. So I can say whatever.

Yesterday he spent the day working around me and we spent the day flirting. It was funny because it gradually got more and more serious until, once again, I whipped out my boob for him. It was a conversation we had, you see. And he asked to see. Anyway, I'm all nervous now because I try really hard not to mix work with pleasure... but clearly I have no self control. I tried to make sure to do it away from the cameras and now I'm thinking maybe one of the cameras actually DID see it. Unlikely, but possible. So I'm vaguely freaked out. Furthermore, He's not the sort of guy to say anything about it but I definately gave him something he could get me fired over. Well, actually, I've been doing that for a while. So nevermind. The camera thing still worries me, though.

Anyway, he was smiling at me later on. Flirting more. It was nice. I gave him my e-mail address. Nothing yet. Probably won't get anything out of that.

He mentioned his modeling days. He once modeled underwear. I laughed and made a comment about watching something on TV where they had to adjust the sock for the photo. I thought for a second and said, "Nevermind, I don't want to know! Don't tell me!" "No problems there." He told me. "Don't need a sock." He smiled. I blushed. Hugely. And laughed my ass off.

I remain reasonably sure I'm not going to get any of that. He shouldn't have given me hope. Because I want some of that. I want a lot of that, actually.

Saturday, November 27, 2004


It occurs to me that I have absolutely nothing set up for... well... anything. With anyone. For a while there I had something to look forward to. Now... nothing. What a disappointment.

The excitement I feel toward Li's mutual interest is only going to take me so far. I mean, really. I have nothing set up with him EITHER.


Friday, November 26, 2004

Google Search

I'm not quite sure how "Paul Hamm preliminaries balls" as a search got to my blog. I'm not really sure why someone would be looking for Paul Hamm and balls... that's just odd. However, I decided to do the search myself, out of curiousity. The little "description" part of google said "better than sex, but how excited was I when Paul Hamm went from ... degenerated into him masturbating while I watched and played with his balls. ... No preliminaries. ... " Which sounds a heck of a lot more interesting than what I actually wrote seeing as those quotes from my blog were different entries. But it sure was funny to see. I was, in fact, NOT writing about Paul Hamm and sex or Paul Hamm and his balls. I promise. The Paul Hamm entry had NOTHING to do with sex at all. Just happiness that he kicked some ass at the Olympics. That is all.

And now google will say "oh, she's got LOTS about Paul Hamm... send more people" and I"m going to feel violated.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Thanks Giving

First off I'd like to wish everyone a happy one. A little late. It wasn't even a busy day. I have no excuse. But there it is.

All day I spent doing nothing. I woke up horny, but husband wasn't really available. I spent several hours online reading through blogs seeing if there was anything new and interesting I felt like linking to (indubitably) or any of the blogs I've been reading for the last week which have held my interest enough to add them to the list on the right (probably).

I ended up chatting with a guy I've chatted with before. He's handsome, masculine, sexy. All those things a girl can only dream about. Something's not right there, though. He's unsure of himself. Or of me. Or of something. It worries me. Makes me wonder what I could get myself into with him. The sex has the potential of being awesome.

Part way through the day I was incredibly horny. Husband was vaguely receptive but not particularly interested. The guy in chat was interested but not particularly available. And what I was craving was the kind of sex I had with Frank. Long lasting. Hard. A little dirty.

I spent the day looking up different sex toys. I'm tempted by the glass pieces for their "different" quality. Would the cold temperature option excite or bother me? What about the hot?

The liberator furniture held my interest. All things you can do without the cushions... but ah the ease. Husband said we could get them. I'm still considering. We often go SO long without sex it almost seems like a waste of money. No one else I could readily use it with, anyway.

I teased husband earlier. Rubbing myself over him. I get really agressive and sure of myself when I'm having good sex. It's definately something to do with Frank, because once I've been with him I get *really* pushy. And sexually charged. I want to fuck now and I want to fuck how I want to fuck. Husband declined since technically the Pill isn't currently effective. Damn. I didn't force the issue.

I lay back on the bed and told him how badly I need cock. I didn't go into the details. I need to learn to stop inhibiting myself. But husband doesn't really go in for the dirty talk. He might be able to get over it. Not during sex, though. I wanted to tell him how badly I needed to have him behind me, fucking me... letting me fuck back against him. Pounding his cock into my g-spot until I came. He put his hand on my pussy. I pulled off my panties and guided his finger to where it needed to be. Against my clit just so. He rubbed it. It became too repetative. Damn. I wanted him to make me cum. Tonight. I rubbed his cock until he was hard. He told me to go take care of myself so he could sleep, unless I thought I could get off without getting pregnant. Hmm. How's that supposed to be a sure thing?

I declined, grabbing my dildo. I came. Super hard. I still need cock. But the edge is off.

Now sleep.

The Next Morning

You'd think I'd write about the night of sex I had. And I probably will. But I'm kind of focused on the 20 minute (give or take) sex I had the next morning with Frank.

I got up and took a shower getting ready to leave the hotel for work. Frank woke up as I lay back down beside him just wanting to be near him. Well, wanting to be asleep again even more... but only after being near him. He gradually woke up. He moved a little, his fingers caressing my thighs and my pussy. No words, just teasing. He finally muttered something about how I wasn't quite ready yet as he rubbed his fingers across my clit.

He finally got up and settled his mouth over my pussy, tongue teasing my clit. His saliva and attention got me wet enough that I was soon ready for him to slide his cock inside me. He fucked me hard and fast until I finally asked him to please fuck me from behind so I could masturbate with him deep inside me and cum.

We moved, around and then he was inside me. It didn't take long before I had one of THE most incredible orgasms ever. Mostly mine go on for maybe 5-10 seconds (although it's hard to say for sure) this one managed to go on for at least 20. Then he fucked me some more in one of my favorite positions he does, from behind, my legs closed him on top of me. I'm not sure how he pulls that one off but it's fucking awesome. He hits my gspot with every thrust and the friction is amazing.

After he came, I finished getting ready, freshly fucked, flushed, and bright eyed. What a way to start the day. Fucking awesome send off, too.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

What I'm thinking just now.

I had a late late night with Frank last night. Early into the sex he asked me what kind of blog entry he'd get. I drew a complete blank as to what he could POSSIBLY be talking about as we were having sex. When I got my brain sorted out I was somewhat taken aback that such a thing entered his mind. Geez. It was swiftly forgotten on my part. Afterward I considered whether I should blog about it at ALL. Just to irk him. Maybe.

I'm still somewhat obsessed with the fact that Li was receptive to my advances. Even if he put me on hold for now. Obsessed not neccessarily in a good way. After the inital excitement over the fact that a guy I'm TOTALLY attracted to (in real life!) is interested in me I suddenly got to thinking about what it would be like to actually have a less professional relationship with him. And then I started to get worried.

I put a lot of thought into what it would be like to date him. I can see it going only one of three ways and two of them are not particularly acceptable to me... and either of those is the most likely case. Most of my concern involves my behaviour. Namely jealousy. And fear that the "relationship" I envision will become a near perfect reenactment of my relationship with my ex. And I'm just not sure I can deal with that again. Considering how badly I long for the ex I find it hard to deal with the idea that I would put myself into that situation again.

Anyway, I've got buyers remorse. After wanting him for this long (and wanting him still), going from being internally confident that I could bag him to being absolutely assured by him that I could bag him (under the correct circumstances) changes the way I view things. And I'm scared to ruin what has the potential of being a really good friendship. No, what I'm scared of is reliving the past and being heart broken, depressed, and put off guys for months and months, again.

My sister says "don't do it!" my husband says "dude, guy's not putting that much thought into it... he's thinking 'sex!' and that's it." Both are probably right.

What I need is a good poly boy.

Anyway, this is a subject I feel like I'll need to talk to Li about at a later date. Without freaking him out and driving him away. Or getting too super serious. Because I CAN have sex without love. But maybe not with him. Probably not with him. I think I'm doomed.

And I mentioned something about having a crush on him. To which he said "what?" I repeated myself. Never really considering that he might have been surprised at the idea of me having a crush on him rather than having not heard me. Damn.

Except he's said he gets tired of the one night stands.

God, I find myself getting all wet and excited just thinking about getting him into bed. Or just having him be aware of me and the fact that I want him... and not turn me away."

I really am going to have to devote an entry to Frank. How could I not?

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Woah Li!

I spent the better part of the day flirting with Li. I'm sure he wouldn't like me to be repeating any of the conversations I had with him. So I'm kind of tiptoeing around him telling me not to talk about the things he and I talk about. I'm sure he wouldn't want me to talk about the sex we shall inevitably have, either. But fuck that. lol I'm going to spill the beans. Probably less than I normally do. But spill I shall. I respect him and all... but I can only hold back so much.

Anyway, we were chatting and as I walked out the door of the stock room he asked me if I wanted a Cheeto (or similar snack) to which I said no. He said "ah, so you don't like cheetos." I told him, "no, I just don't want YOUR Cheetos." I giggled and left. A bit later I returned to smile shyly and say "actually, I should say it's not Cheetos I want from you."

I am SO lucky that he didn't immediately respond with the question "then what is it" because that would have been far more forward than I could handle. I can only bring myself to say so much. I forget what his immediate response was, but there is no question in his mind now that I want him. Badly. The upshot of this is that even though he remains faithful to his girlfriend he was MUCH more touchy-feely with me today. He found lots of excuses to put his hands on me. And for me to put my hands on him. Mmm.

I was so flustered most of the day I hardly remember much of what was said. However, right after he made a comment how I didn't normally tell him I wanted something other than cheetos from him I found myself growing impossibly wet. And I ended up spending the rest of the evening that he was there practically dripping girl cum. I giggled at how turned on I was at that moment. If I thought I was wet yesterday from husband... well... let's just say that was NOTHING compared to this.

I want that man so bad. Eventually, I asked him if he still has a girlfriend (which was, of course, the case) but just before he left he asked me if I would like to know should that change? Well, fucking DUH. lol And he left. Honestly, I was on the verge of giving him my cell # and e-mail address but suddenly realised that even if it were to be a completely platonic thing his girlfriend might not appreciate him walking around with another woman's phone number. So I kept it to myself and let him leave.

I really hope he doesn't end up doing something silly like breaking up with his girlfriend thinking that I'm looking for the permanence that he is. (ie I think he looks towards children and marriage) but if I can slip in there as someone to take up some down time I'll take it. Now that I know there's at least a bit of mutual interest I'm stoked. And it's going from fantasies of fucking him in the trailers to fantasies of making love to him in his bed and lazing with him afterward.

I *really* like this guy.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Silly Husband.

My husband is a silly, silly creature.

This evening I was getting ready for bed when I somehow ended up crawling onto his lap (which wasn't really a lap as he was laying down on the couch) and moving over him as if having sex. Of course any real amount of pressure "down there" feels good so it was quite pleasurable to be rubbing my clothed pussy against his clothed cock.

We watched VH1 classic as I rubbed up and down his body, teasing us quite a bit. I could feel him responding, arching his hips so his rapidly hardening cock was getting the majority of the friction, too. A few slower, sexier songs came on and we continued to play. His fingers moved over my hips and legs caressingly giving me tingly tickley feelings. A mixture of sex and play.

I finally got up to go to the bathroom (which had been my first intention before I ended up on his lap) but changed my mind and turned around, in a reverse cowgirl position. It's not a position I've ever actually tried but husband IS husband and if there's one person in the world not to be body shy with, it's him. So, I climbed on and found it to be a MUCH more interesting position for dry humping than I had considered. I could rub his cock RIGHT against my clit. I leaned way forward, arching down into him when his hands began teasing the edges of my panties. Tingles of anticipation ran through me as he delved under the fabric, brushing over my lips, I stopped moving, arching giving him better access. My fingers moved between our bodies to rub his cock through his pants as he slid a finger firmly inside me. I began to move against his finger, rubbing his cock. I finally stopped as my body grew tired and the stimulation became more than I could stand without taking over and getting off.

I turned around and slid my body over his, my teeth closing gently around his clothed cock. I smiled up at him his erection trapped. I moved my mouth over it for a moment. I stood up, slightly dizzy and gazed longingly at the now impressive bulge in his pants. "I should go...." He nodded as I moved away from him, still looking at him. "What's THAT?" he asked, pointing away. I took the bait, looking around for "that." Finally he said, "Hmm, nevermind." I shrugged and walked away, not even glancing at him. He cleared his throat, "Umm." I finally looked back at him, pretending not to notice that his pants were gloriously gone and he was hard, waiting for me.

I went upstairs and finally emptied my bladder. That done, I brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. I called out "are you going to tuck me in?" He responded, coming up the stairs to be greeted by my on my elbows and knees, laying across the bed the wrong way, reading. Knowing a hint when he sees one, he crawled behind me and pressed his cock against my panties as I dropped the book. He thrust against me a little as I felt the fabric being tucked between my lips. "There, now you're tucked in."

I sighed dramatically and wiggled my ass against him. He began to pull down my panties and I finished that for him, arching again so my pussy was waiting for him. He pushed his cock between my lips, rubbing the head against my clit over and over making me slick with need. I slyly tried to arch my back just right so he'd slide inside me but he pulled back, "you know we can't do that yet... NO BABIES." I whined at him, "babies... fuck... yes babies... please..." He gave me another firm no, and continued to tease me as I continued to try to get him inside me despite the concern over unwanted pregnancy. *I* was not concerned. Chances with me getting pregnant are slim to none. However, we do try to be careful. I had the opportunity, finally, to force him inside me but fucking responsibility got the best of me and stopped myself.

Husband moved over so he was laying on his back, then. "I'm just trying to warm you up for tomorrow," he told me, referring to my overnighter with Frank. I gazed at his cock, a tear of precum on the head. I considered taking him in my mouth, but seeing as he hadn't washed I couldn't quite bring myself to do it. I wrapped my hand around him and began moving it up and down just like I'd learned he liked it. I covered his balls with my other hand, massaging them as I tried to get him to cum. Of course, everytime he got close my arm got too tired to continue. I switched sides and somehow managed to keep up the pace long enough for him to cum on me and himself.

As he lay in the afterglow I got up and cleaned myself off, returning with a warm, wet towel for him to clean himself. "I was hoping you'd bring a towel," he said. I smiled lovingly at him and kissed him. "That's the best hand I've ever gotten," he told me, "including my own. Thank you."

Once he was somewhat recovered, he stood up, still somewhat dizzy with pleasure and kissed me goodnight. He retired to finish cleaning off in the bathroom and when he returned I was wiping my pussy with a piece of tissue. I smiled shyly, "mmm... bit wet." He looked confused, "I swear I didn't precum THAT much." I shook my head at his lack of understanding, "just because you didn't cum doesn't mean it's not wet...." God only knows if he figured out that I was so turned on I was seriously THAT wet. It's been a long time (if ever) since sex (or potential sex) with husband has turned me on enough to get me THAT wet so I don't REALLY blame him for the confusion.

He kissed me a couple of times with words of praise and thanks and let me get to sleep.

Except when he came to bed for the night, I woke up. And I'm still soaking wet. I'm mildly afraid of the puddle that could result were I to actually cum.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

I feel like such a freaking dork.

First time sex is rarely good. And when one makes virginal mistakes it's even worse. *sigh*

So, we went to a hotel. The first thing I noticed upon walking in was the stench of stale piss. Lovely. The second thing was the roaches. This was a chain hotel. Not some random roadside dive. I NEVER would have expected that. My stomach was churning over how nervous I was in the first place and seeing the roaches (and having him kill them) got my gag reflex up and running. I stood, huddled in my jacket afraid to touch anything for fear a roach would appear and climb into my stuff and I'd end up taking the disgusting things home with me.

WB went off to the bathroom to take care of that while I stood there, retching and trying to decide if I should refuse outright or suggest we go elsewhere or just suck it up and hope he made it worthwhile. I kept thinking "if I'm miserable like this it won't be good... how can I respect myself and do this in this place?" Then he came out. I know I was shooting him looks of "please... god... not here..." and I made a few comments about it not being a good idea.

And then he started touching me. He has nice hands. His fingers slid under my shirt caressing my back and I thought "well, maybe I can get over the smell... and the roaches are in hiding...." And then he touched me more, his mouth on me and I forgot everything.

He's got great hands. I have to give him credit. He's good with his mouth, great with his hands. He knew I was nervous. He knew I was scared and he touched me and kissed me until I just didn't CARE anymore.

I must break in, though, and admit I just didn't "get" his kissing style. There are several guys who've kissed me and I've just been completely lost as to exactly how I'm supposed to work with what they're doing (and no I'm not going to explain) and this was one of those situations. I still have to give the ex credit for being the absolute best kisser I've ever encountered. Oh, god damn do I still think about his kisses. But I digress.

We gradually got more and more naked until we were both in our underwear. He pulled mine aside and began to finger my pussy. It felt so good to have his fingers grazing my wetness. His fingers were slick against my clit, just right. Not right enough to get me off. Right enough to make me want to, though.

Eventually, he asked me if I wanted to make love. I can't remember my response. A nod. A yes. I don't know. But then he was there, inside me. Condom and all. And I fucking hate condoms. It was nice having him inside. Not great. I get this feeling he felt the same way. He went soft, eventually. I rather assumed he'd cum. Some guys it's hard to tell with. He rolled away and we lay quietly. Until he started touching me again. Tongue against my clit. Oh, god damn.

I'm pretty sure that I am, at this point, confident in the fact that I like to receive oral sex. I'm still nowhere near cumming. But it feels fucking AWESOME. He did a fine job of it, too, I must say. I let him off the hook, though, eventually. Let him know I wasn't going to cum that way but it was well recieved.

I ended up masturbating for him. Well, for me, truth be told. But I wasn't sure I was going to cum. The night was so awkward. It was a hard fight. I did cum, though. And it was nice. It was a bit after that he informed me that he still hadn't cum. I tried not to show my surprise. I mean, I do like to seem knowledgable and not being able to tell if a guy has cum doesn't make me look all that smart.

I wrapped my fingers around his cock, making it hard again. There's something so wonderfully magical about making a man's cock hard. I moved down and took him in my mouth. His response was quick. He likes that. I heard him say something about him being about to cum and stupid me, I thought I could hold him off a bit. I drew back. And he started cumming. Is there ANYTHING worse than cumming and being left out to dry? I felt so bad. I realised my mistake and tried to help finish him off but I clearled fucked that one up. Big time. I was SO embarassed and felt SO bad. I couldn't even bring myself to apologize as profusely as I should have. So I shall apologize here. I am SOOOOO sorry, dear, for letting you down like that. Next time I'll know better.

Anyway, we snuggled quite a bit after that. And talked. It was pleasant. We finally separated and went our own ways.

I must say it was definately an awkward first experience. But it was pleasant. I had a good time and I still like him quite a lot. Hopefully next time will be better....

Saturday, November 20, 2004

So tired.

I have some to write about. I had a lovely meeting with White Bread (it's getting more and more stuck as his nickname). I'll write more on that later. You know, when I've forgotten half the sweet details.

AND I unexpectedly have a date set up with Frank, again, which is awesome. It's been around six months since the last time I saw him. Far too long. Firm plans, I might add. Yay. :-)

Friday, November 19, 2004

New Saturday Meme. A day Early.

So apparently has suddenly updated for the first time in months and I happend to catch it. It's a long one.

When you have an affair (or if you had an affair) how do you make clear that
it's not supposed to be a lasting relationship, but only a sexual relationship
that probably includes going out, having fun, but no responsibilities or
obligations a real partner would probably have? Sometimes words are not enough
to make clear where the border between a real relationship and an affair is.
Like - when you usually do not cook for anybody but your real partner, and your
new lover asks you to cook for him/her when s/he comes over for another night to
have sex with you. Would you cook for your affair anyway, just to make him/her
feel comfortable? Or would you set a clear border in a situation like that and
tell him/her that you're not going to give all that you usually offer in a
lasting relationship, because there's still got to be a difference, as long as
your affair doesn't want a real relationship with you? Where are your borders
between a real relationship and an affair?

I admit I tend not to consider my "affairs" as affairs. I'm not sure I've ever even considered the word. I tend to think of them as something more like affairs. Between husband and I we almost ALWAYS refer to anyone I'm seeing as my boyfriend and as my outings as dates. However, when it comes down to being careful to seperate the idea of a real relationship vs. a sexual one the easiest way seems to be to keep a careful distance. It's entirely possible to be friendly and even social and still keep a certain almost professional distance. Generally, I prefer to prepare ALL of my boyfriends with the idea that despite the lack of sex my marriage is quite secure and I am most definately NOT looking for a new husband.

On the other hand, with the ex we lacked that certain distance. The first time he and I slept together I spent 24 hours with him, eating, sleeping, watching tv. It was very domestic. I spent many other nights with him and seeing as he cooked for me, I brought over dinner and cooked for him, too. There was never any question with him that we would not persue a "real" relationship but we enjoyed the trappings of one. It's a wonderful thing to get together and share that whole "being in love" feeling without feeling like there was any pressure to move on to something serious and monogamous.

I guess my boarders, to this point are kind of blurry. There is very little I wouldn't do for a lover that I would do for my husband. Money is a sticking point, though, because there are things that I won't do TO my husband. Anything that makes him too uncomfortable becomes a problem. That's maybe where my boarder is. Where ever he and I negotiate it to be. But it's not yet come to that point.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

I was trying to remember all the people I've slept with to include only oral.

TT, Steve, Steve 2, Husband, Jay, Magnum, Mark, Ron, Ex, Frank, Stupid CP guy, EB, threesome-wanter, DJ.

I bet I still forgot someone.


My left nipple kind of hurts. I think I banged it on something today and that simply isn't a good thing.

A new guy at work made some comment about another girl's joking about having body piercings (she does NOT). He said something like "if you did, my respect level for you would go up, like, ten points." She just kind of looked at him. I crossed my arms over my chest.

He's not someone I need to respect me. At all.

Meanwhile, I keep fantasizing about Li. Tonight I found my manager and this guy that some of us think she's interested in nailing (has nailed?) in one of the trailers. I don't really think they were up to anything, however, they could have been and I would have been none the wiser. I have fantasies about getting Li into one of those trailers and tasting him... feeling his fingers, his body... I like the idea of being in the near complete darkness with him. The excitement of being in the trailer... and I'm not really even into public places. Odd. When the manager and the guy came out of the trailer I found myself grinning.

Also, this morning I was getting ready to leave for work and had the overwhelming urge to cum. So, being the resourceful girl I am I checked out an online sex story that didn't do anything for me. I glanced at the clock and realised I had to be out of here in about 5 minutes so I needed to get the job DONE. Ah, porn movies. I whipped out one of the MBL movies (as I think of them) and was done in about a minute. It was a randomly chosen movie but it seemed wildly appropriate that I'd end up with a movie which happened to involve "69".

Just watching the two of them go at it, I was suddenly back with the ex in my head. No, I didn't cum with him that way, but just the memory was enough to set me off. As I left the house I was thinking about him and the incredible effect he had on me. Continues to have on me. And I consider trying to get him to cheat on his girlfriend. Except I continue to genuinely like him and would hate for him to regret fucking me. But god damn. It was good.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004


I swear. I can't meet up with a man to save my life. Now DJ says he'll call me or at least IM me and doesn't. What's up with that? Just had to add himself to the list of men who've let me down lately, maybe. Great.

I'm sure he has an excuse. Doesn't make me feel better right now, though.

No action.

I ended up chatting up another new guy yesterday. Even called him at his request. Not sure that's going anywhere, but at least I'm still making contacts.

I found myself, this morning, fantasizing about Li again. Not that ever really stopped. It's weird for me to want someone THIS much.

The tears the other night... the terrible lonliness I feel.... yeah... pms.

At least I can go back on the pill starting Sunday.

I'm thinking I'm going to have to come up with a new layout for this blog. Which is kind of funny because I know nothing about this CSS stuff and barely remember anything about HTML. So, that'll be fun. I found a template that I like the idea of (but not the specifics of) so I'm going to try to use that as a guide and see if I can make it my own. I'm not really sure what the chances are that I'll get anything done but I'll sure try.

I spent part of yesterday taking pictures of myself, trying desperately to find something I can put on this blog to mark it more as mine. I like it when people use pictures of themselves, even if they're highly stylized (which is what mine's likely to be). So I'm working on it. I ended up with two pictures I really like. Both of my face. *sigh* Not terribly anonymous.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Meme time.

I'll probably not be adding the site to my blogroll if only because it appears to no longer be updated which is really such a shame. But I thought it might be fun to answer this one in part.

The infamous "69" position... Do you like it, love it, or
hate it? Is it twice the pleasure or just a distraction? Would you rather give
then receive, or vice versa?

I must say I... kind of do like it. It's taken me a really long time to appreciate it. I've fought against it. There's something about the phrase "sit on my face" that absolutely and totally turns me off. And inevitably that is what goes through my mind when it comes up. I've always been a giver in that sense and very much enjoy that experience.

It's only been with recent lovers that I've begun to enjoy receiving. It seems practice makes perfect and the more I get it, the more I get used to the feeling and forget the "weirdness" that's always been associated with it.

I tried 69 with Frank and found it to be okay but just kind of weird. That'd be about the second time I ever tried it. I will say the more I enjoyed his mouth the better and more enthusiastic his blow job became. The third would be with the ex. He'd explained to me a couple of terrible oral experiences and informed me that he would NOT be going down on me. Sometimes there are other things that make it worth the while so I really didn't mind about his refusal. I still very much enjoyed sucking his cock. Then one day he just gave in and while I was lying on my side sucking his cock he maneuvered around until he was laying on his side and I felt his tongue on me. Oh, it was amazing. Afterward he told me that he felt bad about having not done it for me before and felt I deserved that. I must say, I agreed. It felt SO good. With him it was entirely relaxed, loving and enjoyable.

Definately something I'd love to do again.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Life is plotting against me.

I had a date with Frank. He called around 10 to let me know he was stuck in one of the New England states. He would be driving toward me as soon as he could and would call me back for our scheduled date in the early afternoon. He called me a few hours later. Still stick in that damned New England state. Hours away.

I was sorely disappointed. But not surprised.

And then to cap things off, after all this time... I get my period. Could it be more perfect? The second date I had set up for tonight? Canceled due to unforseen cramps and misery.

Fucking kill me, okay?

Weird experience

So I met this guy online. Using cams. Just talking for hours. And eventually it came out that I tend to be submissive. Alright, I offered it up. I've never REALLY played the submissive role. I was curious what it would be like. His curiosity was piqued. He asked me to do a few things for him on cam. I tend to be shy about that sort of thing thanks to the remote possibility someone might be recording it. But if anyone wanted to record they should have done it years ago back when I was more willing to get naked on cam. And wilder.

He asked me to do something I didn't want to do. I've done it before but on my own volition. Careful planning involved. He asked me to do it and I didn't want to. Not at all. But I did it because he wanted me to. And I cried, though he didn't know it. He wanted to to cum for him. And I tried. But I couldn't do it. And I cried for that, too. Though he didn't know it. I told him I wasn't able. We moved on.

He offered to do something specific that would please me if I did something for him in exchange. The thing that had made me cry in the first place. I did it gladly, and willingly. Tearless. I was so close to cumming it wasn't funny. But he had to go.

So I came alone.


I've always wondered what it would be like to be submissive to the point where I would choose to do something that drove me to tears of mental anguish in order to please my master. How it would feel at the time. How it would feel after. At this moment I still feel the tears welling in my eyes. And the after-glow of orgasm throughout my body. I'll see how I feel about it after sleep.

Maybe submission isn't for me. Or maybe it really really is.

I have a date with Frank (whom I haven't seen in months) for later today. He said he'd call me and we'd meet up. I look forward to that like the desert misses the rain (to quote that painfully repetitive song). I'm so lonely. And I miss his touch. It's weird how I went from being ambivalent to needing to see him RIGHT NOW.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

No self respecting woman would...

I was at safeway. The female cashier was talking to the male cashier behind her. "No self respecting woman would chase a man."

I didn't even bother trying to follow any of the rest of the conversation. I immediately considered the fact that I throw myself at men all the time. I questioned whether I had so little respect for myself that I go after men rather than letting them come to me.

Then I realised that she was dead on wrong. It's entirely respectful to yourself to go after that which you desire rather than sitting back and praying he'll come to you.

Friday, November 12, 2004

As if my computer wasn't running slow enough.

I decided it was time to do a virus scan. Which it's doing now.

I ended up, basically, posting two different versions of yesterday's post because the first post never went through. Really. I even checked. I have no idea how it managed to show up but I guess I won't complain. It's just odd.

I'm getting ready to go to work today. It's cold and wet out which means I'll probably be outside more than a few times today. I can almost count on it. I'm going to do my best NOT to be the outside girl today, though. I can handle the wet, but the cold kills me.

I went man-hunting online last night. Figured it would be something to do to find a few more potentials. No real luck, I think. But it's funny because I ran into a guy who was like "don't you have an AFF profile?" Hee hee. Yeah.

Also, super hot guy whom I desperately want but who won't really give me the time of day wrote me a message that he was super depressed and hated himself. I tried to get into it but he really wasn't being talkative about it. Apparently some girl he liked called him something like a pathetic egotistical asshole which is like TOTALLY not how I see him at all. I mean, shoot. He spends so much of his time being depressed and self effacing. I just don't get it.

Anyway. Nothing exciting is going on. Nothing at all. I mean, seriously. Nothing.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Bitter, bitter woman.

I was to meet this guy I wanted to sleep with. We were to go see a movie. Really, it's not just about sex. I genuinely think I like him and wanted to actually get to sit and talk to him. I was late. Not something I could help. Compounded by the fact that I bought a ticket to the wrong movie and didn't realise it until 10 minutes in. I went to the correct theater, but by then the movie was well started and it was a big full house.

I tried calling him after the movie ended. I texted him twice. I messaged him, too. Nothing. And nothing since.

Today I was supposed to hear from a previous lover. We've been idly trying to hook up again for a few months but there's always been some problem. He just never showed up online like he was supposed to today. So once again... nothing.

Basically I feel like I'm being thwarted and it's making me mad.

Meanwhile, DJ is still around but far less interested in talking to me than I like and claiming busy-ness. *sigh* I believe him, but c'mon. This doesn't help me any.

So I'm bitter. I'm angry. And I want to throw a fit.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Missed Meeting

I was supposed to go see a movie with a guy I've been trying to get with for a while. He said it was at "8-ish" so I was aiming for leaving the house right about 7:45 or so since I needed to get gas and the theater was close by and at worst I'd miss the previews.

The movie started at 7:45 which I discovered at about 7:35. I still had to get gas. Fuck. I let him know I was late. I even called later on. Nothing, which seems reasonable.

I got there and got a ticket to the 8:45 movie. I went inside. And watched the end of the movie that started just after 6. Right movie. WRONG TIME. Shit. So I ran into the right theater and took the first seat available. Needless to say I never did run into him and once the credits were done I left the theater and texted him twice. And called him twice. And got no response. I'm still wondering what's up. I was hoping he'd come online but nothing. So disappointing.

I hope he's not mad but it's really not completely my fault and I was there. Ugh. I just hate coming off as not being dependable. I'm usually very careful about being on time. It was an honest mistake. HE was the one that said 8-ish so how was I to know it was BEFORE 8? I'd assumed it started AFTER. Silly me.


Tuesday, November 09, 2004

He was there!

I almost forgot to mention that Li was at work yesterday. Oh, thank god. As soon as he walked in I was like "oops, here I go!" and started to get all giggly and embarassed. So, I had to hide away from his line of sight until I could get myself back in check. Having done that, I was able to go greet him.

Apparently, though, he's somewhat sick and entirely depressed as he's had a couple of deaths in the family lately. I don't know that anyone really knows what to say to someone in that situation but I'm at a TOTAL loss since I've only known a couple of people who've died and I wasn't particularly close to either of them. Of course, I wanted to make things better for him but that's just not possible. So, all day he ranged from being in a good mood to being somewhat depressed and introspective. I adore him in all his moods so I kind of rolled with the flow.

The best part of the day occured about the time I was on lunch. One of the girls I work with (who also rather likes him) informed me that I need to go check him out. At that moment she got called away so I wandered over to another girl and asked her what's up. "He's got a sticker on his pants" she told me. So, I went back to check and let him know. I explained that I heard he had a sticker and please turn around so I could check. He did his little slow turn for me (which was kind of fun so I could check him out) but I saw nothing. I shrugged and explained that I was told there was a sticker but I didn't see one on his uniformly grey pants so it was probably gone. As I said this I let my eyes graze over his pants one more time. And then I saw it. This neon orange bit of sticker.

Right there on the fly of his pants. I snickered. "Oh, there it is. Now I see why they didn't want to tell you." Except as I gazed at it my eyes were drawn toward his... umm... endowment. Which was entirely unintentional on MY part. But, the sticker was right there... and it was so fucking BIG. I don't THINK my expression gave anything away because god only knows I didn't want to say anything but I finally looked back up at him and he said "what? Where is it?" I laughed and kind of pointed on myself to demonstrate. He found it and looked at it, "it says... number one...." I don't think it said anything. Still, it was pretty funny. I left but once I got into the breakroom with the other girl she said "did you SEE it?!?" I nodded. "And did you see his..." I laughed out loud, "yes." "It's SO BIG!" she said. I laughed, "yes!" So we giggled for a while and she said something along the lines of "unless he's wearing a cup!" No way. The guy's just hung.

Later in the day he asked me when i work next. So, I told him my schedule for the week and he suggested he'd try to come back either today (Tuesday) or Friday. The only two days left in my work week.

Surely he likes me if he's doing that, right?

Why do I still doubt his interest in me?


Last night I had a date scheduled with White Bread. I only call him White Bread NOW because he asked me why I was calling him White Bread. And so now it's extremely funny to me. Regardless, he was supposed to call me sometime after I got off of work to give me a place to meet up with him.

I ended up leaving work a little bit late and ran into an old co-worker who happens to have a big vehicle. It happens I needed the services of a big vehicle to get my new dryer home. So, she agreed to help me out. We dropped the dryer off at my place and she left while I wrangled husband out of bed and got him to help me bring the dryer inside. We carried it from the street up to the house. A rather long way.

Around this time I got a message from White Bread saying that he was still several states away instead of in the vacinity and that he'd not be able to make it. One might think I'd be disappointed as I'd kind of been looking forward to it all day. However, I had a new dryer to install and having had to find a place to PUT the new dryer while I removed the old... a lot of cleaning to do, too. Plus, I was really excited to TRY the new dryer.

So, no big deal. I called him back and left a message to let him know it was okay and I had stuff to do at home anyway. And I went to work on that stuff. I got the dryer installed and husband and I carried the old one down the block to the curb. More tired. More explaination of my sore muscles.

It just so happened that I had a load of laundry in the washer waiting to be moved to the dryer... and I got to use it. I must explain that this is a pretty cool dryer. The whirlpool Duet with all the buttons and settings and such. So many buttons. And pretty lights.

A bit after that White Bread called me back to apologize and we talked for a while. Unfortunately, I think I disappointed him terribly by NOT being disappointed about him not being here. Really, he may have even had hurt feelings. Which makes me feel vaguely guilty. But I don't like to feel disappointed and I was really excited about the new dryer so why dwell on anything negative when I didn't have to?

We talked for a bit and he suggested we reschedule for another week which is fine with me. By then the excitement of the new dryer will have worn off and I'll likely be available for greater disappointment if that's what will make him feel better. Or maybe we can, together, manage something more pleasant than disappointment.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Ah, before I forget.

As if I could forget. The Ron Jeremy documentary is On Demand on one of the premium channels right now. I watched it and found it very interesting. Much as I agree he's much more than just a sexual being, it was really cool to get to learn about the porn industry and how it relates to his sex life.

The important part was when he was talking about how good he is at cumming on command. Apparently, he really doesn't have any problems (to paraphrase) "unless the girl is really hot and she's on top of me bouncing up and down" at which point he has to think of very unsexy things to keep from blowing his load.

I am now convinced there must be something sexy about a woman being on top. I'm not sure I get it, but I acknowledge that it must surely be true because RON JEREMY SAID SO.

Also, he's supposed to be super good at giving head. How blessed does one man need to be?