Mourning.

I have a very ill friend. I spent the better part of yesterday and the day before in mourning for her near passing. Yesterday, Li was there. I tried to comfort me. Men are funny. It's that awkward back pat... repeatitively. Too fast. Too hard. Me, mentally: Calm the fuck down, dude!

I rested my head on his shoulder. I cried just a little. And then I realised I was pressed rather intimately against the guy who's body I want more than anyone else's right now. Oh. My. I'm grieving, remember? Oh, but he feels so.... STOP!

I moved away. Trying hard not to give away my response. Inappropriate moment.

I'm still stuck on the feel of his body. Softer than I thought. Less wall-like. Good. Warm. Too clothed.

But the awkward, too hard, too fast pat. Is that how he'll touch me? Hmm. I hate having to tell a guy to slow down.