Forgetting to title...

Sweat sweat sweat. The North West in the middle of a ridiculous heatwave. Thank god for fans and portable A/C. It's too bad it's not central air. God, I miss the East Coast where all the reasonable people have central air. I mentioned this to my husband and he responded "you just miss all the military boys." Yeah. That, too.

I wandered through the kitchen and god... everything needs to be cooked. Hot and in the oven. Boiled, adding heat to heat. Obviously I'm going shopping later for cold foods. Because god damn.

The funny thin about the above paragraph... kitchen and god... I'm reading the Kitchen God's Wife. I've never read any of Amy Tan's books. But I did like the movie of the Joy Luck Club so I figured it was worth a try. So far the narrative is similarly set up, which makes it quicker for me to catch on. I kinda hate it when the author changes narrators but doesn't warn the reader. Even worse is when they change narrators AND time. I get so lost....

And while I know no one wants to hear about it... one of my dogs is dozing on my pillow and occasionally blinking sleepily at me in invitation. He looks so comfortable and soft.....

Busy, Busy

You'd think it'd be the holidays leading me to a very, very busy social calendar. Somehow, I've ended up with four big events on four consecutive weekends. Lots of people, dressing up... etc etc. I've bought a bunch of new eyeshadow to play with. Among them were the Cover Girl exact eyelights eye shadows. I bought them in both brown and hazel colors and did one eye in each color. Other than having makeup on with too much mica... I don't feel like my eye color was particularly "brought out." Feh, I say! I bought a similar collection from Almay and went with that. So there. Even though I'm pretty sure it's the same company, Almay appears to be geared towards women who are... well... actually, older than me. But whatever. I also picked up the Cover Girl eye liner. When I wear green eyeliner it doesn't look like I have bright eyes. It looks like I'm wearing inexplicable green eyeliner. That's okay, though. Sometimes I AM inexplicable.

I wore a red dress to one of my events. I might just wear it again. I had rather thought I'd end up feeling like some weird Scarlette O'Hara but it ended up just being a dress. That's okay with me.

So I went to that wedding and I cried. I'm really happy for the couple. On the other hand, I've secretly long had a crush on the groom. He's a really, really great guy and seeing him married... well... it was sort of a shock. I was so happy that he feels he's found "the one." I want nothing more for him than for him to be very happy. I think it's in the cards for him. His new wife is fun and flirty and a lot like him. It was lovely.

The whole crush thing... the funny part about it... my husband commented on this guy's looks and I pointed out that the two of them look rather similar. "Probably partially where I got my taste in men," I mused. And it's undoubtedly true.

Oh, and the bride? Not at ALL what I expected for him. She and I have a lot in common physically, frankly. And it's kind of weird to consider... .... ... naw.

Although I have to admit I've always had a funny romantic notion about growing old and discovering my attraction was mutual and that we were both single (unexplained) blah blah blah. I have that romantic notion in my head for Keith, too. And probably others I've thought of. The problem being, romantic notions are rarely anything like the heartache and trouble that comes from real life.

Basically, I guess I don't intend to be alone when I get old and should something terrible happen to my husband I fully intend to pull someone out of my pocket for just such an occasion. Yeah. I'm a great person. Really!

I suppose

I suppose I should have been more clear about the changes around here. Except you'll probably never notice them. And that's really the idea.

Birthday

I just had my birthday, today. It ended up being the sort of day that... really felt like any other day. Some small part of me wanted to be excited about it. But it just wasn't. I woke up to cake. I went to bed to... nothing. Nothing at all. Of course I got up to write.

But in the middle, I did find myself a little depressed and yet found myself counting my blessings. I'm very lucky to live the life I do. Despite those moments (days... weeks, sometimes) where my husband and I find ourselves at odds, we really do care very much for one another. We love one another and when I remember to be nice to him... he can be very, very nice to me.

Still no sex, though. I can't remember the last time we did. It shouldn't really be this hard....

Still, we both have the freedom to explore as needed. No real jealousy. And lots and lots of trust. He's really a good man. Besides my marriage, I have at least one member of my family who won't let me fall. Not easily, at least. And several pets whom I adore and who take good care of my need for affection and attention when no human ever could.

I'm grateful for all that I have.

This year, I want even MORE!

The Problem

The problem with trying to become a more well rounded blog when I've been running one which has been so much more specific and therefore doesn't give away much in the way of identifying information is exactly that. I have to relate certain things that while still being pretty damned general... well... they're still potentially identifiable.

Which isn't to say anyone who knows me would ever bother to read this blog. I'm just not that popular. And the years have shown I'm not going to be.

Anyway, I've had so much to write. And yet been unable to share for fear of someday being identified.

Would it be the end of the world if my much more private life merged with my much more pubnlic one? Probably not. My work does actually have a policy on blogs. The way I first read it, I swore it said that if one were to keep a blog, their employees were required to identify that the company does not neccessarily endorse one's views. However, in re-reading it, I believe it's actually only a requirement to post such a disclaimer should I want the world to know that I work for that company. So... no big deal. I'm not really sure why the company seems to feel that they're so damned important. And really, I kind of wonder if they're suggesting that our facebook pages should have that info. They said blog but being old white men, they may have been confused....

Well. Anyway. I'm going to try something and see how it goes.

Dog gone...

I've been fostering this dog and his last day with me is coming up. Soon he'll be with his new family and I will be back to my regular allotment of dogs. I'm going to miss him. He's my first foster I didn't actually adopt. I did pick his new owner though, and I think they'll be great together.

There's also a very important business meeting, part of which I'm really not looking forward to.

So last night, I had a crazy dream which woke me up in terror and chills. I've never had a dream like that before in my entire life. It was like a nightmare... but there was nothing really dastardly about it. It was like being on a roller coaster and going down that hill that just drops out from under you. Very similar. And even though it was all in my head, my physical reaction was very real. Real enough to wake me up out of a very sound sleep.

I made a twitter account, too. I've really never used it. I may only have a few lines worth of good stuff to write... but I always like to write more. However, every so often I get emails letting me know random people are following me on twitter. I presume those random people do not exist except for spamming. I don't really understand how one spams using twitter. Eventually, I'm sure I'll figure it out. As things stand for me, now, I read folk's twitter pages and find myself mostly confused. Great! I've become one of those old people who doesn't get what kids are up to these days....

Tattooooooooo

I've long thought about getting a tattoo. Not to worry, I'll keep thinking about it. I'm not even remotely ready to get anything. But I think it's clear that I'll some day get one. Something small that means something to me. It'll be that private secret I always love to have....

Anyway, I'm thinking it'll end up being some kind of script. Words mean so much to me....

The reason I'm still up? It's been something like 80 degrees in the house allllll day long. It's killing me. The portable A/C says it's about 71 now. It doesn't FEEL 71... even when I'm naked.

I'm a damned fool. That's all I have to say about that.

I took out the piercings in order to physically heal, reduce the pain and annoyance when the dogs would walk next to me on the bed and inevitable and invariably step on my damned nipples. It's amazing how, without the piercings, they never do that anymore. I miss them, some. But they haven't been an important part of my life in quite a while so I think about them longingly maybe once a day.

Meanwhile, I ended up having a rather long conversation with the cute guy a couple of my coworkers have been crushing on. Based on this, I'm pretty sure he's single. And I'm pretty sure he's as not my type as I thought he was when I just looked at him. Although I can't explain it. Earlier today he talked about making fun of some kind when he was very young. It's difficult to really hold it against him... but so easy, too.

Growing up, I remember some kid making fun of another kid. I couldn't stand to watch it for one more second, so I walked right up to the bully and yelled "Leave him ALONE! You're... you're VERY CUTE." Yeah. Uh. That was my insult. I still, to this day, have no idea why that came out of my mouth. It wasn't true and he wasn't being very cute. But he walked away without another word. My point was to get the kid to leave the other kid alone... and it definitely worked.

My mother used to tell me if someone was making fun of me, "Kiss him!" I stared at her angrily, thinking she was making fun of me. "Because, they'll stop." I think she was teasing... a bit. It probably would have worked. It also would have given me a reputation I couldn't have dealt with at that age....

And this concludes my rambling post.