It's not that I don't (or haven't) had primarily sexual relationships. Take for instance DJ. Granted I only had sex with him once (so far) but I don't think you could classify us as friends (although I don't doubt we could be... although he's way cooler than me). Or EB who's also way cooler than me (with a way cooler job, I might add). I adore them both and yet... while I COULD probably be great friends with them I opt to keep it on a sexual level (although fuck, since I haven't done either lately I'm not sure I should use them as examples). However, it was definately their personalities that drew me to them in the first place. Yes, I wanted to fuck them and they wanted to fuck me... but I at least knew they were the kind of people I could have FUN with. If I can't have fun and communicate with you comfortably out of bed... I certainly don't see a future for us IN bed.
Thus, the guy who wrote me the snotty e-mail affirmed for me that he didn't have the same take on what sex should be about. I've tried the solely animalistic side of sex... and yes it has a place... but not a very big one in my life. I tend to continue to seek something just a little more connected than just that.
Li said he couldn't have sex with someone he didn't have a connection with and I rolled my eyes and thought "oh, I could!" but of course... that's not the way I live my life. I'm most attracted to men I do feel some sort of friendliness toward. Something MORE than just physical chemistry.
I don't begrudge anyone else their nearly anonymous casual sex (and there are indeed times I have my own desires for the same) but mostly when I fantasize about sleeping with people it's not "just for sex."
I was fantasizing about being in bed with Li this morning. Given his desire for connection I could imagine hours of foreplay... during play... post play. I could envision laying on the bed, spooning, him inside me while his tongue traced lines along my ear and my neck, fingers teasing up and down my body. Slow, languid motion building my desire to long forgotten heights... feeling his hands clutch me close... breathing in my ear... "you feel so good" whispered sweetly... my hands reaching back to pull him closer, in tighter, the other hand guiding his fingers... down... showing him exactly the touch I need... feeling his own need growing...
It's enough to make me quiver just to think about it.
Yes, sometimes I desire sex with a near stranger in a dark corner... but not with just anyone. Only with someone who's caught my attention by more than just looks... by more than their physical desire for me. Something where my mind is captivated....
I'll have sex with someone again. I'm sure. But it won't be with someone who just wants to fuck. It'll be with a sensualist who actually understands that sex between us isn't JUST fucking. It's so much more fun than that....
I mean... you know... unless I just want to fuck. Heh heh.
No comments:
Post a Comment