Hope

It's the little things. Something about being the town slut... the feeling like maybe there is some hope for sex...

I've been masturbating a lot, again, lately. Twice a day, at least. Morning and night. More and more fueled by fantasies of the men around me... and those further away.

Except masturbating isn't nearly enough anymore. I want human contact. I want to feel a mouth against my own... hands sliding over my skin... the taste of another's sweat....

It's all congealed into an intense desire for some gspot massage. It's not something that's REALLY been done for me in a long while. A long, long while. I think of it as the female version of a hand job. While I'm far more adept at using my mouth to get a man off, I do give the hand job the old college try now and again. Unfortunately, my arms inevitably become tired. Sometimes.

So I crave that kind of selfishness for myself. That intense, deep feeling of someone intentionally exploring and finding the most sensitive parts of my inner body.

This in mind I broke out some bad porn (it was handy) and left it playing on the screen while I fucked myself silly with my vibrator (turned off) and intentionally avoided my clit. An hour later I was shaking, sweat rolling off me, my entire being focused on this intense feeling like an orgasm was being dangled in front of me just out of reach. I nearly stopped, willing to be satisfied with the intense stimulation but something told me I needed to cum.

I rubbed my clit experimentally and found it practically numb, disinterested in my touch. If I started there I'd have to start all over again (though this time would surely be faster). I took a short break, catching my breath, letting the air conditioning cool me and went back to work. And within a few minutes I came. Hard. My finger never straying to my clit.

Though to be honest, it's almost certain the feel of my hand hitting my mons with each inward thrust of the vibrator (still turned off) was surely what got me there. Indirect clitoral stimulation.

Maybe the second time it's ever happened. The first time being not all that long ago.

I think I'm teaching my body a new way to cum.

I'm really pleased. REALLY fucking pleased.