Sans Pr0n

I once again masturbated without porn last night. It was really interesting, as always. I had no idea how much of my attention gets taken up by the porn rather than by what I'm physically doing. Now, that certainly has its place, don't get me wrong. Without the strong distraction of porn I probably wouldn't have been able to have my very first orgasm (or many of the subsequent ones) however over time it's become a huge crutch.

I think I'm somewhere around a week and a half without porn, now. And what I'm discovering is that while, yes my life is somewhat abnormally sexually charged lately, I'm having an abnormally strong reaction. Namely, I spend a lot of my days wet and excited. I masturbate less frequently because it's now harder for me to have an orgasm... but I WANT to masturbate all the time. So I masturbate for a while, enjoy the sensations and see "eh, just not enough right now" and give up. Later in the day or even the next day I'll get back to it now fully charged, wet, and ready to cum.

Last night's orgasm was a perfect example of what's been happening. I came home after seeing Nils at work. He was the last person I saw before I got home in fact. Once home, I immediately sat down and began using my dildo. I played with myself for a good ten minutes before deciding as horny and incredibly excited I was... I just wasn't ready to cum.

Very, very late last night I decided to finish the job. I fucked myself thoroughly with the dildo and got to enjoy these amazing like "miniorgasms" just from that sensation. It's those kinds of feelings that for a moment make my body stop and shudder just a little. Not that incredible be-all-end-all of a clitoral orgasm... but nothing to complain about either. That happened twice and I wondered briefly if those ARE considered orgasms and maybe I SHOULD count them because they're really quite nice. In fact, looking back if that particular sensation were to be considered an orgasm... I'd have to say that night I had sex with DJ I had an orgasm as soon as he was inside me.

This was all brought up after reading Annie Sprinkle's essay on orgasms. Most of what she writes is a little too metaphysical and a bit of it is... I'm going to say poorly worded (and look who that's coming from, right?) but it definitely made me think which is a good thing.

Anyway, so there I was masturbating and I could feel the sexual flush moving up my body, I could feel my neck getting warm... I could feel the dildo rubbing perfectly against the opening of my pussy. Every movement was getting me closer and closer... and I could feel it building until I could feel that I was on the VERY verge of cumming... maybe 3 seconds before... and then I was there... and it was great.

Afterward I sat quietly for a minute letting my body settle before heading up to bed and a very restful sleep.

Losing the porn, much as I still crave it for the "quick and easy" part of cumming has been an impressive way to get my body in touch with what it's feeling when I'm getting there. I like REALLY feeling the sensations my body produces as it only serves to heighten the entire experience. And frankly, being wet and excited most of the time is really fucking great.