Sunday, December 18, 2005

If you believe in fate...

I ended up getting invited over to Martins. I almost didn't go. I knew exactly what was going to happen and I wasn't convinced it'd be worth it. Still... I went. As I drove over I couldn't help but think "this is for him... it's not even about me, tonight." He'd invited me over but told me he really needed to be in bed by 11 which was going to be no more than about an hour after I arrived.

Of course I was right. We really did concentrate on him. Whether he's decided going down on me just isn't worth it or he's waiting for me to ask... he's pretty much given up THAT ghost. However, before we get to that part... we were on the couch and he was touching me and we were kissing and it was great. Finally, he moved back and got his cock out. He's not very subtle that he wants me to suck it... and I'm still more than willing to oblige so I moved down and took him eagerly into my mouth. I'd probably been sucking on him for a good five minutes when his phone rang. I glanced up at him and he looked at me and reached to see who was on the phone. He started to set it back down and I sort of leaned back and nodded toward it, suggesting he feel free to answer it.

"It's my ex" he told me just before he flipped the phone open. I watched him for a second and he reached down to his cock and kind of pointed it back toward me. I smiled at him and leaned to take his cock back into my mouth. It was incredibly erotic to watch him carrying on a conversation, making an effort to make his breath catch and smiling hugely around his cock every time I could hear his reaction. They carried on a pretty lengthy conversation, his responses becoming shorter and less coherent as they went on. I watched his face, loving to see the way he'd tense up as my tongue did a particularly delightful trick. Part way through I reached down and felt how AMAZINGLY wet I'd become. I showed him, rubbing it on his cock and sucking it off. He was impressed.

After he got off the phone he reached down to touch my pussy and I laughed shyly "I guess I'm a kinky bitch!" "Yes, you are," he agreed.

What followed was something far less impressive than I would have liked. Having him inside me was a bit like... nothing. Keith is much bigger and fucked me harder. I tried hard to enjoy it and concentrated on what was going on... but it wasn't really enough. We changed positions but he has a hard time keeping hard in my favorite position (doggy style) for some reason. So I took control and told him I wanted to masturbate while I sucked him. I probably tried to cum for at least 15 minutes before finally giving up. I knew coming over to his house that I wasn't going to get there. I kept looking at the clock thinking "time's almost up..." which just fucked me up good.

Eventually I focused solely on him and he came in my mouth. I let it squirt a little on my face and let some of it run down my chin back onto his body. The rest I swallowed eagerly. After he was too sensitive to touch I went to the sink and washed myself off. He followed me and did the same. Rather than snuggling into bed like we usually do, I started getting dressed because it had never been my intention to keep him up late.

And so I kissed him and we stopped at the door to talk. I think I told him "I knew I wasn't going to get off tonight, I mean, I tried but...." He nodded "you have a weird body." Which just stopped my heart for a moment. Not because I thought he was insulting my physical self but because here it was. Exactly what I dread. Someone commenting on the way my body responds (or fails to respond) to attention. Yes, I know it wasn't an ideal situation for either of us... but god damn it. It's not like I don't cum, usually. It's just a THING. And I KNOW other women have that THING sometimes. So fuck it. But it really bothers me. And I'm thinking maybe I need to drop things with him for a while. If we never go to bed together again... maybe that's okay.

Mostly, though... I miss Keith. Two days with him and my body feels like it's completely HIS. Here was this man who was a GREAT physical match for me... and he lives in another freakin' country. Whatever. That's just fate for you.

But it's kind of killing me....

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