Short one.

UFC's on. I'm so tired. And I work tomorrow. Fuck.

I heard from Keith. He's apparently legitamately busy. Which is kind of what I figured. Except I still miss him horribly and resent not knowing what's going on, regardless of the fact that I have no right to resent anything. It is what it is. I miss him.

I also heard from Spencer. He had a pretty acceptable reason to have flaked on me. Not that it was okay, but I GET it. I know I'm in no way important to him at this point so I'm not trying to take it personally. However, it still irritates me that good reason or NOT he could have let me know what was going on. I'm trying to convince myself that this is NOT a strong warning as to how he will be in the future toward me if things go as well as I keep hoping. So we're re-planning for Wednesday.

He teased me and told me since I would be used to getting up at 6 am I should do so on Wednesday and come over and crawl into bed with him and then we could sleep until 10. Of course, he was teasing. But even knowing that I couldn't help but entertain the thought. Because the assumption would be that I'd get the cuddling and affection that I crave, even in my sleep. And then to wake up next to someone who wants me.... Oh, delight. Yes, it sounds like a lovely idea. Not something I'll do, of course. But a delightful thought anyway which earned some sweet fantasy time.

What will happen? Hard to say. We'll probably make more final plans on Monday or Tuesday and see what we come up with. I'd prefer going over Tuesday night, actually...and seeing where the night takes us. But I think he's got Wednesday on his mind and I'm okay with that. Maybe I'll ask.

Will the curse be broken? So far... not so much... but....

Hopefully I'll be able to displace all my lust onto Spencer that I've been feeling toward... well... a lot of guys. Hopefully he'll inspire enough of my lust on his own that I'll really WANT to do that. No telling at this point. I might be putting too many eggs into that basket. But the hope is there. Such hope.

I just gotta stop thinking about Keith. My god I miss that man.