It's one of the hardest things ever to be looking for Keith and have him not be there. I do it all the god damned time. And he's never there. I hate even writing about it here because I don't want him to know how badly I miss him or how much I look forward to whatever kind of contact I can have with him. Because it's sad and pathetic. But I love him anyway. I know he's busy and not trying to hurt me... but you know... it doesn't make me miss him less.
Meanwhile, after several hours of a nap I got out of bed and went to the gym. I promised myself I would. I very nearly ended up lying to myself about it but with a little Monster Khaos I got off my ass and went to the gym.
As always I ran into the gym manager and ended up chatting with him a few minutes. I showed him my new color ipod and while we were talking I told him "yeah, I have porn on it." "What?!" he asked. I laughed and said "I do." And he asked what kind. It's one of the Comstock Films podcasts so I found myself a little confused as to how to describe it. Considering the subject matter I finally said "kind of... amateur." Which isn't really accurate but close enough for the situation. At which point he demonstrated that he is NOT a porn aficionado by asking "oh... like they show on HBO." I stared at him, "Umm. No." He asked, "like they don't show the money shot." Or something like that. I thought about it for a second and said "well, I haven't seen one but it is only a clip. It certainly falls in the hardcore category, though." He stared at me vaguely bemused, "your husband must love you." I smiled, maybe looking a little sad and changed the subject.
You'd think he would. You'd think.
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