Thinking.

Lots of thoughts about my Nils tonight. Trying to figure out what to do about him. Like today when he called me over, actually out of the store to talk to him. Which isn't a big deal since no one was inside (although he didn't know that). He was at the ATM and I thought he was going to ask for my assistance (our ATM is very picky and I often end up giving an assist on it). However, he was just calling me talk. So we talked. And he glanced at his ATM receipt and said something about having no money.

And I think that was the perfect chance to say something like "ah, then I guess we won't be able to go out tonight. It's cool, though. We can stay in..." or something equally flirty. Except I'm SUCH a dork I can't THINK around him, remember. These things come to me LATER.

Inside he kept talking to me about his work. Serious, friendly conversation. Early in the conversation he took off his sunglasses. This is a long standing joke between us. I've likely mentioned it before. One of the first things I remember teasing him about was the fact that he'd come into the store day after day and NEVER take off his damned sunglasses. "Is it SO bright in here?!" I'd ask him. So it's been a long standing joke.

So these days he takes off his sunglasses when he talks to me, usually. Except when he does that I find myself just staring like a deer in headlights at his pretty blue/grey eyes with the long, dark fringe of lashes. He's very much this fantasy man I had in my head years ago mixed deliciously with some of the things I've learned to crave over the years. But I digress. He took off his glasses and I stared into his eyes the way I always do... and appreciated the fact that he'd taken off his sunglasses for my benefit, as I always do.

He talked quite a bit about his work. And about what he's planning on doing next. And where he's going. Like one would maybe talk to a friend. It caught me off guard. I hadn't expected him to talk as much as he did. And I wonder... does he do it because he's nervous? Does he really think of me as a friend... and if he does... does that give me an in...?

He also told me that the reason he didn't show up yesterday was because of an interview. Even though I hadn't asked why he wasn't in. He knew I'd noticed, I'm sure. Because... I'm just that obvious right?

My fantasies are getting away from me. I want him. And all this other... is quite nice, actually....